Florida Woman Pulled Over For Drunk Driving While Baby Sucked On Boobies Is The Very Essence Of Florida

by 4 years ago

I’m no breastfeeding expert but I’m fairly confident breastfeeding while shitfaced could potentially be harmful to the baby. Oh ya, and I’d advise against driving hammered with four children in the car. Again, no expert. But talking rationally with Florida is like trying to convince Snoop Dogg that weed is harmful. Not happening.

Local 6 reports that Cateria Thomas, 33, was pulled over early Tuesday morning in New Smyrna Beach, Fla. after deputies with the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office noticed her temporary tags had been fudged. When pulled over, deputies reported that they saw Thomas breastfeeding her child. They later realized she was cocked.

Says the police report,

“Deputies said she had red watery and glassy eyes, her speech was slow and slurred, and in the back seat were three children ages 1, 3 and 4. In the front passenger seat, deputies noticed a full gas can. Deputies said during a field sobriety test, she was swaying and not steady.”

Thomas reportedly told deputies that she had four hamburgers with whiskey on them. Not sure that’s a thing, but it sounds like a decent business model. Kill two birds with one stone. Cateria, when you get out of the slammer, hit me up, and we’ll iron out the business model. Please leave your children at home.

Thomas faces charges that include driving under the influence, operating with a suspended license, unlawful alteration to her tag, and a child act that could result in physical or mental injury.

I’m actually surprised she was charged with anything other than being from Florida. I thought that this type of thing would be a routine traffic stop in the Sunshine State. Let her off with a warning, have a good chuckle with your fellow deputy, and go catch some dude fucked up on flakka running around naked claiming he’s God. Don’t go soft on me, Florida. My blogging job depends on it.

[H/T Complex]