10 Ways Lazy Bros Can Get Paid More for Doing Less
Natural resource behemoths such as water, oil and steel could help you cash hefty paychecks until your old and gray. However, ascending in these industries will require heavy lifting somewhere along the road, whether it’s studying until your brain goes numb as a graduate student or literally doing some heavy lifting at a steel plant in the middle of bumble fuck Pennsylvania.
If you’re someone who enjoys taking short cuts, then welcome to the Land of Opportunity, where there’s hundreds of ways to make a quick buck and you may not even have to stand up to do so.
Here the ten options worth your consideration. And no, gambling didn’t make the cut.
Also known as every bro’s dream job. Seriously though, is there any easier way to get paid for doing less? You get straight-to-the-bank, non-taxed cash — usually somewhere in the ballpark of $20 an hour or $150 a day — to sit around in somebody else’s home (more than likely a mansion), while your fellow bros slave away at a desk or, worse, a factory all day long making a similar, if not, smaller wage.
If you can somehow parlay this job with taking care of animals in the same neighborhood of the house you’re watching, then you’ve hit the career jackpot and you’ll more than likely never desire a desk job again in your life.
Whenever I see one of these, the immediate reaction of the people around me is to point and laugh. On the contrary, I think people that “sell out” their cars are ahead of the curb and the rest of us are missing out on an easy moneymaking scam. What do these companies pay? $200 a month? $300? $400? Where can I sign up?
Regardless of payment amount, chances are that it’s not taxed, which is always a crucial factor when considering more money for less work. Also important is the fact that you’re getting paid to drive around in your own car— something you’d be doing anyways.
Those people can point and laugh all they want. You’re probably making more money then them doing something that most 16 year olds can do.
Selling Bodily Fluids
Why not turn a profit from your masturbation? If the finances are tight — and really, even if they aren’t, I don’t see how this could possibly be considered a bad idea. Similar to the notion of selling a product that has always and will always be able to sell itself, masturbation isn’t going anywhere any time soon. People who can’t produce kids naturally are dying for your semen; why not give it to them and make some money all in the same breath?
Not only are you fulfilling the role of Good Samaritan, you’re releasing all your pent up sexual tension for the day. Don’t you feel better already just think about it?
Double Dipping at Work
One of my personal favorites, and something that are society frowns upon greatly yet has allowed for more than a century, is getting paid for two jobs at the same time. Now, I’m not saying this isn’t complicated — it definitely is, but if you work in any type of job where you go through large chunks of time without direct interaction with your boss, then it can be done.
You may be reading this and wondering, doesn’t this method require putting in double the amount of work? Hell no, that’s the beauty of it. All you need to do is slack off on one job, or task, while putting your focus into the second job. Your boss will think you’re a busy bee and you’re co-workers will think you’re twice as productive as them, when in reality you’re just taking advantage of a broken system that isn’t going to be fixed anytime soon.
There’s enough down time in every person’s work schedule to allow for a second job to be completed at the office — the key is ensuring nobody else finds out.
Become a Virtual Assistant
How enticing does working from home sound? How about getting paid $25 an hour to work from home to advice people about their business decisions, none of which directly effect you? Sounds pretty awesome, right? That’s what it’s like to be virtual assistant. Welcome to the 21st century, folks.
Flipping a Product
Nowadays, this is better known as online reselling, but it can still be done effectively enough to yield a significant profit outside the digital realm. The one factor this method requires, which most bros may not have, is capital to invest with. If you happen to have capital and you're good with selling items online, then this could become your bread and butter. Similar to the virtual assistant, you can literally work from home and end up making $200 bucks a day. It’s hard to imagine, I know.
Side note: If you’re smart, aggressive and greedy, then this can be expanded to fit more than just trinkets people usually buy on eBay. It can include jewelry (preferably top of the line), cars, houses, furniture, etc. In no time, you’ll be telling mom and dad you’re an “entrepreneur” and you’ll be out earning them per month, if your successful enough.
If you haven’t experimented with one of these yet, then you’re missing out. Besides the incessant emails you get after taking the survey, there’s really no negative backlash and no real risk or liability. To avoid those nagging emails, I’d recommend setting up a phony email account to use for every online survey you sign up for. They usually take 15 to 20 minutes of your time and pay out anywhere from $8 to $30 depending on what the survey is about. Medical ones always pay the best. (See: selling bodily fluids, above).
By this time in your life, you’ve accumulated enough material items to cover an entire African village. Don’t be wasteful. Sell those old basketball jerseys and DVDs and make some money off those old Christmas gifts.
Of all the options listed, this method probably requires the most individual effort, but the trick here is to convince your mom to set up shop for you. And trust me, it won’t take much to persuade her that this is for a good cause. Think of something universal, bigger than yourself — like Africa. She’ll be thrilled that you want to clean out your old stuff.
Testing an Unfinished Product
Whether it’s testing out a new app or trying on a snuggie, there’s always money to be made off of other people’s inventions. The best way to sniff out these type of gigs is online, but that’s not necessarily you’re only option. If you live in a city or on a college campus, ask people you know — friends, people you work with, or just strangers — if they’ve heard of or seen any new products that need to be tested.
Of course, the Holy Grail of this is finding a video game company that will pay you to test out there game.
Take the Office Space Approach
You didn’t think we’d get to the end without referencing Peter Gibbons did you? If you haven’t seen the movie, I’ll give you a brief run down of how to play this one out:
Make it appear like you're busy, when in reality you couldn’t give two shits about what you do. When the time comes to speak your mind about the company, don’t kiss ass, just tell it likes it is and hope that some consultant sees upper level management potential in you. Play Tetris and eat Cheetos as your boss commands you to file your TPS reports. Never answer his calls on the weekend. Come into work late and leave early. Take hour-long lunches and, most importantly, steal that malfunctioning printer and bash it into little pieces.
Generally, act like you think this is the most mindless job in the world — more than likely, it is — and don’t be afraid to lose it. Someone will notice that you’re slacking off and they’ll either threaten to fire you or notice you need motivation, which will come in the form of a new promotion.
And with that new promotion will come with a new increased salary. You’re going to start to believe you’re a magician for turning laziness into a profit, and you may not be wrong with that assumption.