Not to be boastful, but I consider myself a pretty intelligent guy. As dumb as I sound blogging on the internet all day — and this job can make you sound pretty fucking stupid pretty often — you can’t do it without a halfway decent brain.
I’d also like to take this time to state that I’m well aware there are a great number of differences between guys and girls. Penises and vaginas. Boobs and pecs. Cleanliness and a general slovenly approach toward life.
Having lived nearly 32 years, I also know, as a rule of thumb, that girls are typically smaller than guys. Shorter, skinnier.
With all that in mind, I had no idea girls took smaller dumps than guys. I know they eat less, and are often healthier, but I just assumed everyone was always taking big ol’ poos. I didn’t know being a girl meant you had an inherent ability to drop tiny, effete deuces.
Since I’ve never looked at a girl’s poo after she’s taken one, I had no reason to believe they were any different than mine. I never compared poops with a girlfriend. We are not German. But today I learned the shits are not the same. From a mother’s piece about her daughter in The Guardian:
I’m so in love with her big poos that I can’t bear the idea of them stopping. Of her realising that they aren’t things you want to show off about. Of the day when somebody makes it clear to her, whether by accident or design, that sweet little girls aren’t supposed to describe the massive steaming achievements cruising out of their bums, propelled by the wonders of peristalsis, into the marvels of the plumbing system. That curly little blondes such as she should desire to be small, and contained, and clean, and dress up as pink princesses. And shut up about their dirty selves; already, enough.
I dread the day those whopper turds have got to go.
So wait are girl poops smaller? Can someone please confirm for me?