Guy’s Girlfriend And Ex Both Jumped Into A River To See Who He’d Save And PLOT TWIST He Let Them Both Drown*

Sometimes when I read stories about idiots from China doing their idiot things I get sad. Not because natural selection hasn’t swung its guillotine down onto their overly eager necks yet, but because I don’t know anyone as insanely entertaining as these people. What do my friends do on the weekends? Oh you know, the usual: drink, television, bars, sleep, whatever. Nowhere in that list is “drown because LOL men.”

Jun Tang, 20, and Rong Tsao, 22, both have “LOLOLOL death” on their lists.

According to the Mirror, Wu Hsia, 21, broke up with Jun Tang when he met Rong Tsao because…I don’t know. It’s not important. What is important, is that Jun Tang kept trying to suck Wu’s dick about getting back together, and Rong Tsao kept bitching about how Jun Tang was being a salty bitch and had better step the fuck back. Eventually, Wu got sick of both of their shit and decided to arrange a meeting between the three of them.

Wu said: “I was sick of being nagged from both sides.

“Rong was moaning about Jun and Jun was moaning about her and it all got too much.”

“”However, their meeting didn’t go as Wu had planned. Rather than having a happy little pow-wow that ended with the trio singing “Kumbaya,” the girls began to bicker and Jun Tang jumped into a nearby river, calling for Wu to save her. Unfortunately Wu didn’t get the chance to let her drown, because Rong immediately jumped in after her out of fear that Wu might try to save Jun.

“The new girlfriend, fearing that he might indeed jump in to save his ex-lover, then jumped in as well and both of them began calling for him to rescue them from drowning.”

Rather than save either one of them, Wu decided that the both of them could go fuck themselves because ain’t no pussy worth drowning over. He then continued on his merry way as their gurgled screams faded into the distance, never to see either of them again*.

*Yeah I wish that’s how the story ended, but in reality Wu saved Rong and then the police went and fished Jun out of the river. My ending was better though, so let’s just pretend you never read this and that they’re all dead minus Wu.

[H/T Mirror, header image via Shutterstock]