This Guy Has Sold So Much Semen That He’s Made $57,000, Has Over 800 Children And Becomes A Dad Once A Week

41-year-old Simon Watson makes $72 every time he sells a bottle of his jizz online. If you divide $57,000 by 72, that means Simon has sold around 3,300 bottles of jizz. If you divide his 3,300 bottles of jizz by the 16 years he’s been doing this, that means every year he sells about 206 bottles of jizz.

Think about that. 206 bottles of jizz. That means there are 206 women out there every year who want this dude’s bottle of jizz, or just one creepy pervert who buys up all 206 bottles for himself and uses them as facial cream. Considering that Simon has 800 children, I have a feeling it’s more “desperate women” rather than the “Buffalo Bill of jizz.”

Simon says (har har) that he initially became a sperm donor because he knew he wanted more kids; his first marriage provided him with two sons, now 19 and 17-years-old, whereas his second marriage only provided with one 10-year-old daughter. Oh, and he just got dumped by his girlfriend because she didn’t like his “job”:

He said: “She was fed up with what I do.

“She actually told me she despised it.

“I’m always running off here and there to donate, so it must have got on her nerves.

“I became a sperm donor after my first marriage broke down – I knew I wanted more kids, so that’s why I started.

“My second wife knew I did it, and I was never going to stop doing it – I think she accepted it, I don’t know if she really liked it though, it’s a bit of a weird one even though it’s all done in plastic cups.

“I’ve been donating for a long time now – I used to go through sperm banks, but doing it myself is much more convenient for me.

“I generally advertise on Facebook – it’s the way forward.

“You can see what people are like on their profile, it’s quite a safe way to do things.(via)

According to Simon he’s “a bit fussy” when it comes to who he donates his sperm to, saying that “if someone was a drug addict I probably wouldn’t do it.” Only “probably,” Simon? You’re saying that if the neighborhood heroin junkie came waltzing through your door looking for some spunk that there’s only a 50% chance you’d say no? Then again the chances she’d actually carry to term are…

…well THAT took a dark turn. Wow. Moving onward:

“I have turned down a couple of people who were obvious nutters – you just make your excuses and get out while you can.

“I’ve had way more than 800 children over the years – they’re just the ones I know of.

“I never imagined I’d donate to this degree – with the ease of Facebook though it’s great, and it’s really snowballed.

“I don’t usually stay in touch with people – if they’re happy I’m happy, and once I’ve done my part that’s it, most of them like to disappear.

…”I usually have a kid pop out somewhere every couple of weeks at least, usually more often.(via)

By now you’re probably wondering what makes Simon’s jizz so special — is he a doctor? A physicist? Just a really really hot dude with good chances of producing really really hot offspring?

Well guess what, he is NONE of those things! NONE!! He reportedly used to run his parents aromatherapy business before he got into the jizz industry. And while Simon does say that he “takes good care of himself to ensure his produce is in tip-top condition, and gets tested regularly to prove he has a clean bill of health,” I’m not quite ready to drink his Kool-Aid just yet. Why this guy? Why his jizz? Why? WHY?? Maybe it’s cheaper than going through a licensed sperm bank, but if you can’t afford a legit spunk service then maybe you shouldn’t be having kids in the first place, no?

[H/T Mirror]