It’s late at night. You’ve been asleep for several hours at this point but have woken up because those two Chipotle burritos you gobbled down right before bed are doing exactly what God intended for them to do: shred your colon to bits and leave your toilet crying in agony.
You stumble your way to the bathroom and plop your ass down, ready for sweet gastrointestinal relief to come your way — except you forgot to put the seat down the LAST time you used the toilet, which means you’re now sitting in a puddle of water. Unable to hold in your Chipotlepoops, the floodgates burst open and you are now sitting in a puddle of wet, goopy shit. Congratulations! Maybe if you’d put the seat down the last time you peed, this wouldn’t be a current snapshot of your life.
As for Mike Cook, he understands this story first-hand…but minus the poop:
There’s nothing wrong with leaving the toilet seat up as long as you notice before taking a dump — but for those of you who haven’t had the “pleasure” of dropping ass-first into freezing cold water at 2 in the morning, maybe take Mike’s advice and avoid that nightmare in the first place.