9 Halloween Costumes That Will Make You Look Like An Asshole

by 4 years ago
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Halloween is a special time of year. The air is crisp yet refreshing, candy is considered an essential food group, tricks and treats abound, and all of your friends dress up like dumb assholes.

Yes, it’s always fun to make fun of other people’s costumes, but you know what’s not fun? Actually being one of those assholes on Halloween. So, in order to help you out and keep your Halloween asshole free, here are nine costumes you absolutely want to avoid on Halloween this year.

Any Couples Costume

This is never a good idea. Never. You don’t look cute, you look possibly deranged. And you really, really don’t look like a good, caring supportive boyfriend. You just look like you are whipped beyond saving, literally letting your girlfriend dress you. I mean, if you’re letting her dress you up like a fucking doll on Halloween, what are you letting her do behind the scenes, so to speak? Of course, the whole couples costume could be your idea, I guess, but that is a scenario too heinous to truly contemplate.

Batman

Apparently, Batman is the most popular costumes for adults – excuse me, “adults” – this Halloween, which makes sense, I guess, given the upcoming Batman vs. Superman movie, but really, this is a costume that is popular every year, and it’s popular because pipsqueaks think that the costume makes them look all swole. That’s because it’s essentially a muscle suit. Here’s the problem with that: you know who doesn’t wear a muscle suit on Halloween? Dudes with actual muscles. You’re basically announcing to the world that you’re an insecure pee-wee, and that is not a good look, on Halloween or any day.

Captain Jack Sparrow

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Bros, the Captain Jack character is 12 years old now. This needs to stop. And yet, there’s at least one asshole every Halloween who thinks he’s a cool, sexy pirate. It’s a sad thing. You might as well be the dude who goes as Austin Powers or Borat.

Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Etc.

To be honest, I’m kind of afraid to say anything here, and if I’m afraid to even write about it, it’s probably not a good idea for a Halloween costume. Sure, you can roll your eyes all you want at PC culture run amok and laugh at the Twitter/Tumblr Coalition of the Willing about to rain down on your ass once you show up on Instagram dressed as a political firestorm, but why even take the chance? It’s just an asshole move designed to provoke people.


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