The First High-loween Is Coming To Colorado And Parents Should Be Freaked Out

Halloween always brings about the dumbest of absurdities in parenting.

When I was a child, we were never allowed to accept unwrapped candy for fear that it had been poisoned. Right. Neighbors just interested in killing swaths of children.

So, off-limits was the one neighbor who always passed out caramel apples. “Nuh uh,” said my mom, even though all the other kids got to eat them.

We also had to dump out our bags before reaching in, lest someone had snuck an AIDs-infected needle inside when we weren’t looking, one that would prick us when we blindly reached for candy, turning our life into some quasi-Ryan White HIV-lloween tragedy.

Sure, it’s fine. I guess I can’t complain about my mom wanting me alive. But man, those apples looked good.

Parents in Colorado now have another irrational fear, thanks to the legalization of marijuana. That someone will slip their kids some devil’s weed.

From CNN:

In late July, state officials enacted emergency measures to combat a rash of .. ER visits by children who had unwittingly ingested the drug at school or home. The rules … would require products to have child-proof packaging and clearly printed health warning labels … But those laws aren’t set to go into effect until the day after the biggest candy-consuming holiday of the year: Halloween.

Somebody fucked up. In response, the Denver PD released some tips for parents.

To keep under-21 ghouls from gobbling up potentially pot-laced goodies, Johnson recommends parents take a few measures: If the candy doesn’t come from a recognized major brand, like Hershey’s, Haribo, Mars or others, it’s safest to just discard it out of the reach of children.

Packages that have been tampered with in any way should also hit the trash.

So, sort of, same as always. Except … NOT.

While parental inspection has long been part of the candy-collection ritual, [Sergeant Brett] Hinkle noted that pot edibles’ prevalence — and potency due to the use of oil, rather than ground-up plants — added a spooky new layer to the holiday.

You got that parents? Don’t fuck up this year, or your child’s death is on you.

Which is good. Halloween should be scary for everyone.