When you die you are relieved of all judgement from your hypercritical families and friends. So why not go out with a bang. Be like this dude and make it rain at your funeral by hiring strippers to shake their ass and tittays.
What would compel an individual to hire strippers for his funeral? Maybe he thought the stimulating performance could make him rise from the dead.
Maybe this dude had had enough of his family members annoying him all of his life and was willing to have bikini-clad strippers grind their naughty bits on his rock-hard casket to make his Aunt Gretna super uncomfortable. Is that rigor mortis or are you just happy to see me?
Or maybe this made was a big fan of the “Die Hard” movies and took it quite literally.
Whatever the reason, it seems like a baller way to leave this place.
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There are just two things I don’t get. Why wasn’t it an open casket? I mean, it seems like a waste of perfectly good strippers just to be dry humping a wood casket.
And the other query I had is why did he pick Maroon 5 as his last song? Maroon 5? Is this a stripper funeral or a Sweet 16 party?
Sure Maroon 5 is a pop hit machine, but do you really want “Moves Like Jager” as your sendoff song? Why not “Bandz A Make Her Dance” by Juicy J” or T-Pain’s “I’m N Luv (Wit A Stripper)” or “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. Maybe classics such as “Back That Azz Up” by Juvenile or Motley Crue’s “Girls Girls Girls” or “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. Or make those strippers really work for your last dance and pick something excruciatingly drawn out like “The End” by The Doors, which is 11 minutes and 43 seconds long.
RIP to this dude, hope you had a happy ending.
[Mirror]