Ranking The Hottest First Ladies In US History, From Adams To Wilson

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While I could spend several thousand words today extolling the virtues of our First Ladies, and how much they’ve benefitted society, that is NOT what I am here to do today. No, today is the day we rank the hottest First Ladies in US History.

The President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world, and it’s not even close. But as first stated in February 1946 in the Texas newspaper ‘The Port Arthur News,’ “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman.”

The ‘Matching Hypothesis’ was proposed by Elaine Hatfield (a GREAT woman) in 1966, and it states “It claims that people are more likely to form and succeed in a committed relationship with someone who is equally socially desirable.” Thus is should come as no surprise that the President of the United States would often accompany the White House with a powerful and beautiful woman, as the men who have inhabited the White House have traditionally been men who are deemed ‘above average’ by society.

And in going through the long list of First Ladies in US History it’s become quite apparent that the office of the White House is renowned for attracting women. However, there are obviously a few among them who don’t quite stand up to Jackie Onassis Kennedy, and look more like Marla Hooch from ‘A League of Their Own’

So before I say too much and get myself in trouble, here is a completely unscientific ranking of the Hottest First Ladies in US History:

46: Martha Washington

Our inaugural First Lady, who set the example for all future generations to come. As she took up office in 1789, it’s hard to say whether or not the portraits of her were shitty, or if she was just a bit of a bruiser. She was only 57 years of age when she was anointed First First Lady, and there’s some hot 57 year olds out there in the world. So I’m going to just call it: she’s the least hot of all 46 First Ladies.

45: Anna Harrison

Anna Harrison was our 9th First Lady, wife of William Henry Harrison, and she took up office in 1841. She also looks like a grizzled butcher from Little Italy here in NYC.

44: Mary Lincoln

She lived for 23,226 days, took up her seat as First Lady in 1860, and looks like she’d be an excellent golfer.

43: Abigail Fillmore

She was First Lady of the United States from from 1850 to 1853, and yet even with all her power she wasn’t able to commission a painter who could paint her without that lazy eye…

42: Harriet Lane

41: Dolley Madison

40: Jane Pierce



39: Eliza Johnson

38: Mamie Eisenhower

37: Barbara Bush

36: Florence Harding

35: Julia Dent Grant

34: Caroline Harrison

33: Lucy Hayes

32: Rose Cleveland

31: Edith Wilson

30: Frances Cleveland

29: Ida McKinley

The only reason she’s ranked here is because that thumbnail is way too small for me to assess her level of hotness.

28: Margaret Woodrow Wilson

She’s kind of got this sexy ‘Professor McGonagall’ thing going on, even if she’s a little busted.

27: Helen Taft

26: Elizabeth ‘Bess’ Truman

What can I say, she looks like she knows how to party….

25: Abigail Adams

I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt here, that it’s the painter and not her face that is lacking in quality.

24: Martha Jefferson

I couldn’t find a picture of her on Wikimedia, so you can use your imagination here. She died at the age of 33 after having SIX KIDS. So we have to assume with that kind of action she was quite the looker.

23: Lucretia Garfield

Remember when I said that thing about how the power of being President would attract hot chicks? I’m really, really starting to second guess myself on that….

22: Louisa Adams

You’d hit it, don’t you dare say you wouldn’t.

21: Rachel Donelson Jackson

Though technically she wasn’t ever First Lady, because she passed away prior to her husband’s inauguration and the duties passed on to her niece…she makes the list because I’m 100% not leaving Andrew Jackson’s wife off this list, just wouldn’t seem right.

20: Lady Bird Johnson

What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good bob.

19: Thelma “Pat” Nixon

She looks like she knows how to party, and as someone who loves to party, I can dig that about her.

18: Eleanor ‘Rose’ Carter

Not bad, Jimmy, not bad at all!

17: Hillary Clinton

So what if she’s not hot. Either you hate her or you admire her power, but either way there’s some strong magnetism about her.

16: Edith Roosevelt

You can’t help but imagine what’s hiding under that ridiculously high neckline, can you?

15: Julia Tyler

But was she the hottest Tyler? No, she was not.

14: Letitia Tyler

Back to back Tyler’s? Back to back Tyler’s.

13: Elizabeth Monroe

I’m going to be honest. I forgot about Elizabeth Monroe early on and had to squeeze her in somewhere. And since these rankings are completely arbitrary, here she is at #13.

12: Sarah Polk

11: Margaret Taylor

Again, I bet deep down she’s a beauty, and it’s just the man who painted her who fucked everything up.

10: Ellen Arthur

Ellen Arthur kicks off our top 10, because I said so.

9: Lou Hoover

Some of you are into cougars, Lou was the ultimate cougar.

8: Nancy Regan

She kind of has those dark eyes that let you know she’s a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets.

7: Betty Ford

Like I said before, I’m a sucker for those bobs.

6: Hannah Van Buren

She should be #1, but since it’s only a rendering and not a photograph I relegated her to #6.

5: Laura Bush

A graduate of Southern Methodist University, a school famed for inventing the ‘Mrs. Degree’ (girls who go to school to get married), Laura was a show stopper in her day…and still is, depending on whether or not you’re into granny’s.

4: Eleanor Roosevelt

And if you think this pic is hot you should’ve seen her in color! Rumor had it that she couldn’t go to the beach for fear of inciting riots with her body of a Greek Goddess.

3: Grace Coolidge

Don’t let that shitty hairstyle fool you, Grace was renowned for her beauty….Totally, I swear I’m not just making this up.

2: Michelle Obama

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I don’t care what you say, she’s hot. She’s hot and there’s nothing you can say that will convince me otherwise, though I do encourage you to try your best to dissuade me in the comments down below.

1: Jacqueline Kennedy

The gold standard by which all other First Ladies are judged. She’s as hot a woman as any that have ever stepped foot inside the White House (guests, etc).

Well, if you take any exception to my rankings I encourage you to take me to task down below in the comments. But for now know that the rankings basically go Jackie O, Michelle Obama…….. Everyone else.