Ranking The Hottest First Ladies In US History, From Adams To Wilson

Getty Image


While I could spend several thousand words today extolling the virtues of our First Ladies, and how much they’ve benefitted society, that is NOT what I am here to do today. No, today is the day we rank the hottest First Ladies in US History.

The President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world, and it’s not even close. But as first stated in February 1946 in the Texas newspaper ‘The Port Arthur News,’ “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman.”

The ‘Matching Hypothesis’ was proposed by Elaine Hatfield (a GREAT woman) in 1966, and it states “It claims that people are more likely to form and succeed in a committed relationship with someone who is equally socially desirable.” Thus is should come as no surprise that the President of the United States would often accompany the White House with a powerful and beautiful woman, as the men who have inhabited the White House have traditionally been men who are deemed ‘above average’ by society.

And in going through the long list of First Ladies in US History it’s become quite apparent that the office of the White House is renowned for attracting women. However, there are obviously a few among them who don’t quite stand up to Jackie Onassis Kennedy, and look more like Marla Hooch from ‘A League of Their Own’

So before I say too much and get myself in trouble, here is a completely unscientific ranking of the Hottest First Ladies in US History:

46: Martha Washington


Our inaugural First Lady, who set the example for all future generations to come. As she took up office in 1789, it’s hard to say whether or not the portraits of her were shitty, or if she was just a bit of a bruiser. She was only 57 years of age when she was anointed First First Lady, and there’s some hot 57 year olds out there in the world. So I’m going to just call it: she’s the least hot of all 46 First Ladies.

45: Anna Harrison


Anna Harrison was our 9th First Lady, wife of William Henry Harrison, and she took up office in 1841. She also looks like a grizzled butcher from Little Italy here in NYC.

44: Mary Lincoln


She lived for 23,226 days, took up her seat as First Lady in 1860, and looks like she’d be an excellent golfer.

43: Abigail Fillmore


She was First Lady of the United States from from 1850 to 1853, and yet even with all her power she wasn’t able to commission a painter who could paint her without that lazy eye…

42: Harriet Lane


41: Dolley Madison


40: Jane Pierce

JanePierceSeated

Wikimedia


39: Eliza Johnson


38: Mamie Eisenhower


37: Barbara Bush


36: Florence Harding


35: Julia Dent Grant


34: Caroline Harrison


33: Lucy Hayes


32: Rose Cleveland


31: Edith Wilson


30: Frances Cleveland


29: Ida McKinley


The only reason she’s ranked here is because that thumbnail is way too small for me to assess her level of hotness.

28: Margaret Woodrow Wilson


She’s kind of got this sexy ‘Professor McGonagall’ thing going on, even if she’s a little busted.

27: Helen Taft


26: Elizabeth ‘Bess’ Truman


What can I say, she looks like she knows how to party….

25: Abigail Adams


I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt here, that it’s the painter and not her face that is lacking in quality.

24: Martha Jefferson

I couldn’t find a picture of her on Wikimedia, so you can use your imagination here. She died at the age of 33 after having SIX KIDS. So we have to assume with that kind of action she was quite the looker.

23: Lucretia Garfield


Remember when I said that thing about how the power of being President would attract hot chicks? I’m really, really starting to second guess myself on that….

22: Louisa Adams


You’d hit it, don’t you dare say you wouldn’t.

21: Rachel Donelson Jackson


Though technically she wasn’t ever First Lady, because she passed away prior to her husband’s inauguration and the duties passed on to her niece…she makes the list because I’m 100% not leaving Andrew Jackson’s wife off this list, just wouldn’t seem right.

20: Lady Bird Johnson


What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good bob.

19: Thelma “Pat” Nixon


She looks like she knows how to party, and as someone who loves to party, I can dig that about her.

18: Eleanor ‘Rose’ Carter


Not bad, Jimmy, not bad at all!

17: Hillary Clinton


So what if she’s not hot. Either you hate her or you admire her power, but either way there’s some strong magnetism about her.

16: Edith Roosevelt


You can’t help but imagine what’s hiding under that ridiculously high neckline, can you?

15: Julia Tyler


But was she the hottest Tyler? No, she was not.

14: Letitia Tyler


Back to back Tyler’s? Back to back Tyler’s.

13: Elizabeth Monroe


I’m going to be honest. I forgot about Elizabeth Monroe early on and had to squeeze her in somewhere. And since these rankings are completely arbitrary, here she is at #13.

12: Sarah Polk


11: Margaret Taylor


Again, I bet deep down she’s a beauty, and it’s just the man who painted her who fucked everything up.

10: Ellen Arthur


Ellen Arthur kicks off our top 10, because I said so.

9: Lou Hoover


Some of you are into cougars, Lou was the ultimate cougar.

8: Nancy Regan


She kind of has those dark eyes that let you know she’s a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets.

7: Betty Ford


Like I said before, I’m a sucker for those bobs.

6: Hannah Van Buren


She should be #1, but since it’s only a rendering and not a photograph I relegated her to #6.

5: Laura Bush


A graduate of Southern Methodist University, a school famed for inventing the ‘Mrs. Degree’ (girls who go to school to get married), Laura was a show stopper in her day…and still is, depending on whether or not you’re into granny’s.

4: Eleanor Roosevelt


And if you think this pic is hot you should’ve seen her in color! Rumor had it that she couldn’t go to the beach for fear of inciting riots with her body of a Greek Goddess.

3: Grace Coolidge


Don’t let that shitty hairstyle fool you, Grace was renowned for her beauty….Totally, I swear I’m not just making this up.

2: Michelle Obama

Getty Image


I don’t care what you say, she’s hot. She’s hot and there’s nothing you can say that will convince me otherwise, though I do encourage you to try your best to dissuade me in the comments down below.

1: Jacqueline Kennedy


The gold standard by which all other First Ladies are judged. She’s as hot a woman as any that have ever stepped foot inside the White House (guests, etc).

Well, if you take any exception to my rankings I encourage you to take me to task down below in the comments. But for now know that the rankings basically go Jackie O, Michelle Obama…….. Everyone else.