When I’m looking to have my entire family senselessly murdered and staged as a burglary gone wrong the first place I turn to is Craigslist. Then I check out the yellow pages, random street flyers I happen across and as a last resort I hit up my local middle school because who better to go on a familial killing spree than a pre-teen child? I say child, because only a child would be dumb enough to write a fucking murder contract:
Kid’s handwriting is pure shit so I’ll break it down for you here:
I –REDACTED- will be hitman for hire for –REDACTED- to murder –REDACTED-. I am aware that if I do not go through with it I will not get paid. Money in question we agreed upon was 1200 dollars. I will leave in an hour or two within the murder.
According to police, the note was signed by a friend and the teen was arrested after his father found the note along with a knife in his backpack. While you’d think this kid is a total moron because who a.) writes a murder contract and b.) leaves it sitting around, I’m starting to think he might be smarter than he’s letting on.
It is understood the schoolboy, who “hated” his family, told police he was planning to stage the killing as a burglary gone wrong.
He would then run to his neighbour’s house and have them call for an ambulance, court documents show.
Yup, that’s his plan. Kill people, then run straight to the neighbors and pretend you didn’t do shit. Brilliant. It’s not like doing something like, oh I dunno, hiding the bodies would be beneficial whatsoever. Nah, just call the cops 20 minutes after you’ve bashed a few heads in and be like “Dude I dunno I just got home and there were brains everywhere” when they ask you what the fuck happened.
The classmate who signed the contract, however, isn’t facing any charges because he thought the whole thing was a joke…which it should’ve been, except this went down in Florida.
Need I say more?