If you live in the NYC-area, or even if you don’t, you’re probably vaguely aware of the plague commonly known as the Times Square Costumed Characters. Their mission sounds innocent enough – dress up as children’s characters/superheroes, and take pictures with tourists for tips. But anyone who has been paying attention has no doubt heard that the people in these costumes aren’t as innocent as the characters they portray.
Spider-Man was arrested for assaulting a police officer, Minnie Mouse and Hello Kitty scrapped over some tips, Woody, Minnie Mouse, and the Statue of Liberty were arrested over hassling tourists for money, Batman and Spider-Man banded together to assault a tourist; the list goes on and on. Even worse, like a disease… they’ve started to spread.
Perhaps my favorite Times Square character storyline is that of Adam Sandler. Not this Adam Sandler. I’m talking about the mentally unstable conspiracy theorist, Adam Sandler, who dresses up as Elmo and yells about the Jews. His proselytizing is basically a slightly more hate-filled version of The Hanukkah Song.
My editors at BroBible figured that since I will do anything I’m told, it would be educational for our audience to see the curtain peeled back on this world. So, they made me dress up as a character on a scorching 85-degree NYC day, and had me attempt to infiltrate the costumed character scene. What did this accomplish other than almost giving me a heat stroke? Did they accept me with open furry arms? Did I fight any cops? Was anti-semitic Elmo able to detect my Jewishness through my costume? Watch the vid and find out for yourself…