This Innocent Picture Has Gone Viral Because The Unfortunate Angle Is Making People Sick To Their Stomachs

BOOM!! If the first thing you see isn’t a hairy butt prepping to shit on a baby, then you can’t sit at my lunch table, weirdo. Make no mistake, the intention of this photo was to be cutesie picture 1,282 to share on Facebook and get some internet points, but the result proves that even God is sick of that shit. And make no mistake, there are simply too many coincidences here to believe that this isn’t the work of a higher power–the lighting, the bald head, the patchy-haired shoulders complete with a pimple, and even the baby’s facial expression screams ‘don’t shit on me!’ I’m just saying, if people are going to credit God with inexplicable miracles of good, by that same standard it isn’t hard to see that God wanted this baby to be shit on. Well played, Bro.

P.S. Thanks for answering my Powerball prayers, dick.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.