According to a reader submission to Dude Comedy, some poor kid named Kyle made the worst decision possible that million of people every day probably make yet manage to walk away from completely unscathed. No it wasn’t that he ate at Applebees, although I do agree that Applebees is basically the Olive Garden of American food (cooked in a microwave, drowning in cheese, tastes like butthole, etc.). In fact Applebees is rather irrelevant here – it just so happens that I don’t like Applebees and I’m sort of embarrassed for Kyle that he and his friends intentionally picked that place to go eat dinner before homecoming. What was the decision? Read for yourself:
So it’s homecoming night and me and my girlfriend made reservations for all of us at Applebee’s, (I know not really the most classy of places) but it worked living in a small city in Wisconsin, anyways I go sit down, order my food and my two buddies come up and tell me that they got an Audi borrowed to them by their friend who’s a doctor. They asked me if I wanted to go on a 2 minute ride in the Audi with them that it would be fun, I told them yes and I could tell my girlfriend was mad at me for wanting to leave for a couple minutes on homecoming night, but I left anyways and we’re going down this dead end road going 80 and we swerve off into a ditch, and me being me I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and I smashed my face into the seat in front of me and bit my lip in half and ripped all the skin off my gums and get out of the car covered in blood and this dude comes over and let’s me wipe myself off. I was able to stick my tongue through this hole in my lip. So two minutes after I left I called my girlfriend and had her give me a ride to the hospital, she was not happy. But it’s gonna be a pretty sweet scar. Never made it to homecoming tho
According to Kyle the Audi is completely totaled and his girlfriend is probably going to dump him since he managed to basically kill himself in the 2 minutes he was away from Applebees. Whether or not that’s an endorsement for the restaurant is eluding me.
Oh and of course Kyle documented it via Snapchat – he’s in high school. What did you expect?
Maybe next time upgrade the restaurant to at LEAST a Benihana – chicks love hibachi shit getting’ flipped everywhere and at least the ambience won’t be so awful that you feel the need to dip real quick to wreck a car.
[H/T Dude Comedy]