Want To Make Sure Your Child Isn’t A Short Ass Loser (Like Myself)? Try And Conceive During These 3 Months

A new study has found that kids who are born during a very specific time of the year are taller than kids born during the other 3 seasons, so if you’re looking to avoid having short kids (like myself) then according to these findings, you need to get to banging ASAP.

Based on data gathered from 450,000 people, kids who were born in the Summer months are taller AND stronger than kids born during Fall, Winter, and Spring. Preliminary findings suggest that the reason this people who are born during Summer months are taller and stronger is supposedly because pregnant mothers soak up more Vitamin D during the later trimesters of the pregnancy. Vitamin D intake can play a huge role in nearly every aspect of health, from likelihood of obtaining cancer to bone strength, so some scientists are now claiming that the increased levels of Vitamin D are what causes Summer babies to be taller and stronger. Note that ‘taller and stronger’ does not just mean ‘bigger’, it’s actually referring to kids being healthier and not referring to big kids like Augustus Gloop:

What’s that mean for you? If you want to avoid having a short, useless child (like myself) then you should bang like rabbits in the Fall months in order to conceive a Summer baby.

The Telegraph UK reports:

It is thought that during spring and summer pregnant mothers absorb more of health-boosting Vitamin D from sunshine in the second and third trimesters, giving their offspring a head-start.
Vitamin D is important for maintaining healthy bones and is thought to protect against cancer, type 1 diabetes and multiple sclerosis.
The study also revealed that girls born in the summer started puberty later, an indication of better health in adult life. Early developers are at increased risk of heart disease and diabetes.
So, according to the University of Cambridge study, prospective parents have a three month window in the autumn to ensure their babies have the best start in life.

“When you were conceived and born occurs largely ‘at random’ – it’s not affected by social class, your parents’ ages or their health – so looking for patterns with birth month is a powerful study design to identify influences of the environment before birth,” said Dr John Perry, lead author of the study.
“We were surprised, and pleased, to see how similar the patterns were on birth weight and puberty timing.
“Our results show that birth month has a measurable effect on development and health, but more work is needed to understand the mechanisms behind this effect.”

Big Baby? Big Baby:

True story: Glen ‘Big Baby’ Davis once stole my spray on sun screen at a resort in the Cayman Islands thinking it was his wife’s. I was in the water and watched him walk up to my beach chair, grab my sunscreen and go to down on his huge ass frame, completely cashing any and all sunscreen I had left for the trip. After we got out of the water and walked up to our chairs he’d realized what he’d done and was embarrassed and extremely apologetic, but that didn’t put the sunscreen back in the bottle, did it, Glen?

For more on this study and how to obtain a super baby be sure to follow that link above to the UK’s Telegraph!