Little Caesars Wants To Kill Your Heart With This Deep Dish Pizza Wrapped In A Yard Of Bacon


This… there’s really no beating around the bush here. This will kill you. And I don’t mean that in some slow, meticulous, life-long build up of arterial plaque that eventually causes a blockage way which works your already overtaxed heart to the point of failure sometime around 65.

Nope. I mean that taking three to five bites of this bacon-wrapped pizza will cause your heart to implode from fat, cholesterol and the general overall heaviness of the food stuff.

Have you ever eaten a real, Chicago-style, deep-dish pizza? If you have, you know that within five minutes of consumption, it feels like someone is forcing golf balls through your capillaries, for your blood cells are so swollen with cheese and meat.

Add to that the generally poor-quality of ingredients Little Caesars most likely uses to concoct its pizzas, then wrap the whole thing in three feet of bacon, and you have a recipe for immediate death.

Here’s what the CEO said about his plot to murder you and everyone you love.

The Bacon Wrapped Crust DEEP!DEEP! Dish is another example of how we’re continuing to innovate and offer variety on our menu while fully leveraging our core strengths built around value, convenience, and quality,” Little Caesars Pizza President and CEO, David Scrivano stated in a release.

Yes, none of those words apply to the monstrous creation you are plying on an already obese nation.

“Little Caesars focuses on giving customers new flavors and choices at a great value and with the sense of fun we’re known for,” said Edward Gleich, Senior Vice President of Global Marketing, said in a release. “With the new Bacon Wrapped Crust DEEP!DEEP! Dish we’re pushing pizza to its bacon limits with more than 3 ½ feet of bacon wrapped around the crust alone.”

Pushing pizza to its limits, like it’s the star of its own Scarface montage. Pizza snorting coke, pizza shooting guns, that’s what Little Caesars has in mind next.

I imagine college students across the country will gobble this up, though, for it only retails for $12.

[H/T Flint Skinny]