Man Openly Discusses What It’s Like To Date A Horse As If It’s Completely Normal

It’s rare for a man to open up about his sexual relationships. Especially if those relationships involved the four-legged species.

A 42-year-old man from Canada is that rare breed of man, pun intended, willing to talk about his affection and sexual exploits with horses. Yes, those types of horses. This Canuck talked to New York Mag about what it’s like to date a horse. I bet she’s a real nag ANDIJUSTCOULDN’THELPMYSELF!

Here’s some highlights from the piece along with personal commentary because that’s what I’m paid to do.

Did you experience sexual feelings?
No, I was only 7. I started to notice horses in “that” way when I was about 11 or 12. Everybody else was stealing their dads’ Playboy magazines, but I had a book called The Big Book of the Horse.

Your Playboy?
Essentially. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses. At the time I didn’t really think of myself as different or unusual; it was just what I was interested in. I wasn’t going to go broadcast what I was doing, but I also wasn’t thinking to hide. I feel like my sexual development was bang on — I just had a different affection.

Kids had Playboy. He had a horse book. I’m sure that book was a gift. If that gift giver moved over to a different shelf in the bookstore this guy would be talking about what it’s like to fuck a car hood. Funny how life works out.

So the book aroused you? Did you masturbate over the images of horses?
Oh, yes.


Did you date at all?
I did ask a girl to the prom. Now that I look back, I feel so sorry for her.

I don’t feel bad for her. Imagine if it all worked out, they got hitched, had kids and one day she goes out back to grab her gardening sheers and finds her husband of twenty years going down on a stead like he’s trying to win the Kentucky Derby of horsecock sucking? She dodge a bullet. Literally. One of his ex-loves was an American Quarter horse named Bullet.

When was your first kiss?
My first kiss was from a man named Mark. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs after a fashion. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about 22. In all honesty, I’ve never liked kissing men; rough beards do not turn me on.

Rough beards? NO THANK YOU! Horse balls are where it’s at!

How did you find a sex partner?
One of my friends had access to a nice female pony, and he let me have sex with her.

Now THAT is a friend.

Alright, I don’t want to spend my day ragging on this guy but there’s way more to this interview over on the New York Magazine website. Whatever gets this guy off is fine. If the Triple Crown is his AVN awards that’s his business. Let’s just back off.

Don’t be nags.

H/T New York Magazine