“Lisa,” whose name has been changed because not everyone is accepting of those who skirt the boundaries of what’s considered “normal” in terms of sexuality, is a 34-year-old married woman who says that having multiple sex partners while married has improved rather than damaged their relationship. Speaking to Elle, Lisa reveals that both she and her husband viewed monogamy as an “unrealistic expectation” and that after a threesome with one of her husband’s coworkers, the two decided to open up their marriage:
We didn’t talk about it [polyamory] just then, but let it simmer for a year until we had an opportunity to have a threesome with a coworker of his, which she and I instigated.
Before that threesome, I let him know I was okay with them having sexual contact, just not penetrative penis-in-vagina sex. He was absolutely fine with this plan, but in the heat of the moment it was me who changed my mind. I was so turned on by watching them together. They were gorgeous and I was loving every minute of it; I didn’t feel left out like I thought I would. I totally changed the rule right then and there. That seems to sum up my learning curve with non-monogamy. Now our only rules are honesty, safe sex, and no taking time from mutual commitments.(via)
Lisa goes on to explain how their polyamorous relationship currently works: she currently has four other partners, two of which she sees together with her husband. “We have maybe two dates with other people a month on average. Sometimes we go months where we only date and have sex with each other, other times we have three dates in a week.” Not all of her partners have a purely sexual connection with Lisa however, as she explains that she relies on her “long distance partner” for emotional support, whereas with another two “it’s more casual and sexually oriented.”
As for what happens when she and her husband get jealous of their multiple partners, she explains that “…you work through jealous feelings just like you work through the rest of your feelings. You feel it, you talk about it, you make a plan for how to do better in the future.”
Once, my husband had a partner who was just the exact opposite of me, physically, intellectually, even politically. (I volunteer for the Humane Society and she hunts deer and skins them herself.) We were complete opposite ends of the spectrum and before I met her, I was feeling really uncomfortable with that. What’s with the anti me? But the second I met her, I just totally got it. I could just see the way they interacted together; it brought out a totally different side of him.(via)
As for who she is currently dating, Lisa says that one of her partners is her “submissive” and that while they’ve been dating for a few years, their relationship is mostly sex-based.
I have a partner right now who is my submissive. We’ve been dating for a few years and our connection is mostly sexual. We have a fantastic dynamic, my first where I’m strictly in a dominant role. It’s been such a learning curve for me, but so much fun. On our first date there was this great moment where she was looking up at me with those pretty eyes waiting for me to kiss her and I was like, “Wait…that’s my move!” We have dates where we make out for hours; we both love that part as much as we love the parts where I tie her up and spank her and make her come so many times we lose count. I love spoiling her with little presents, playing with her hair, getting adorable half naked selfies from her as a surprise mid-day—all things that are vastly different from my connection with my husband.(via)
Lisa ends with explaining that because both she and her husband are able to seek out extramarital sexual partners, there’s “no pressure for us to be all things to each other,” meaning that if she has a BDSM kink her husband doesn’t need to feel obligated to fulfill her kink in order for her to be happy; Lisa can just go out and find someone who shares her sexual fantasy.
[Via Elle]