Listen To Matt Keohan Jerk Himself Off Over The One Time He Made A Basket Before Getting Too Fat To Play D3 Basketball

I don’t even need to write anything – Matt’s commentary in the video, plus the fact that he was cut from the University of Mary Washington basketball team despite being a DIII school, really says it all.

But it also begs the question: just how fat do you have to be to get cut from a division three team? Are we talking skinny-fat, like Matt currently strives to be (spoiler alert: he hasn’t fulfilled the “skinny” part of that equation yet), or are we talking fat-fat, like how he looks now?

Unfortunately for me, I can’t answer that – but fortunately for YOU, Matt’s mom recently accepted my friend request on Facebook.

Let’s ask her:


So there you have it: Matt is “plump” and has the basketball skills of a severely overweight 18-year-old.

No wonder his Tinder matches never put out after the first date.

Then again, that could have something to do with his Kylie Jenner tattoo — but it’s not like he was exactly batting homers before he got it anyway: