Remaining chaste until you are married is like buying a pair of shoes you’ll have to wear for the rest of your life without trying them on. For people as horny as I am, this is pure, unbridled lunacy. After date three, if I haven’t reached the Promised Land, I stop returning text messages. There are just too many girls on Tinder for me to fight that fight.
But some people have something called ‘self control,’ convincing themselves that waiting until their wedding night to do the deed will be some sort of divine experience.
These people took to Reddit to discuss the reality of their experiences, and as you may guess, most have regrets. So many regrets.
Take redditor Gtakiller0914, for example. After being a popular high school student who had many girls dump him because he wouldn’t have sex with them, he found a girl who was equally as prudish.
‘We eventually got engaged in college, where we decided to keep sex off to table until marriage. Big fucking mistake there. I wanted to catch up to all that I missed, but that was doomed from the start.
‘In my two year marriage, I had sex twice. She had anxiety so after our rough first time, it scared her. She refused to do it at all until our honeymoon a month later. We tried, it failed. I resorted to jerking off in our bathroom for a few years. When I told her I was falling out of love with her, she decided to do everything she could to keep me there. She even tied a bow around herself like she was a present from Santa. The years of bathroom use and no sex causes my penis to flatline for her.
‘Today, I know she makes up lies on why we broke up. She says it’s all my fault, but that’s not true. I did the best I could for years. She only tried in the very end.
‘Now I have a lovely fiancée, a baby on the way, and a great job. She’s really showed what I missed out on.’
Redditor slinky999 expressed her sexual incompatibility with her partner as a contributing factor in getting a divorce.
‘I waited with my first husband. We were both virgins. Little did I know that we were very sexually incompatible in many ways. This wasn’t the main reason why we divorced, but it certainly was a contributor.
I don’t want my kids to make the same mistake I did. Of course they know about birth control, emotional issues in relationships, waiting until you are ready, etc. You don’t REALLY know someone until you’ve had sex and have lived with each other for a while, to be totally frank.
If I had lived with my ex before marriage, we likely never would have married.’
Sifting through dozens of horror stories about waiting until marriage to bang, I spotted one success story.
We had sex like seven times in the first 24 hours of being married. It was fun, not awkward, and there was no crippling anxiety attached. It makes me sad to see all of these stories, so maybe we’re an exception, but to TL;DR it was GREAT and it was definitely worth waiting. [sic]’
‘The only thing I am born with that I can give away I gave to her and she did the same. It’s an amazing feeling that is still part of our relationship 15 years and two kids later. If for some reason I had to choose again, I would do exactly the same thing. I’ve only known one girl and that’s my wife and I do whatever I can so that it stays that way.’
What was that, bro? Tough to hear you from your high horse.
Single bros: How much money would it take for you to keep your hog in your pants until wedding night? My answer: $750,000 tax free.
Check out the entire Reddit thread HERE.
WATCH: Rocky’ Quotes For Motivation
[protected-iframe id=”3398fa7f02467d38900b6e21c4057c85-97886205-37946113″ info=”http://gifs.com/embed/yEP1o2″ width=”480″ height=”270″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no”]