BLOW FISH: Pounds Of Cocaine Found Hidden Inside Fried Fish At Miami Airport

FACT: Cocaine smuggling has progressed technology equally as far as Star Trek once did. In order to keep up with cocaine smugglers law enforcement officials have been forced to think outside of the box, and pour millions and millions of dollars into detection technology while competing against billionaire drug syndicates. This, well, this is not one of those cases where super high-tech was employed to catch the drug runners. This isn’t like one of those busts off So-Cal where Mexican cartels are using cocaine submarines to run blow across the border from below the ocean’s surface…No, an x-ray machine picked up the blow fish, and by ‘blow fish’ I of course mean fried snapper stuffed full of cocaine.

CBS Local Miami has the story:

U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at Miami International Airport made fish fry out of a smuggler who tried using fried fish to conceal cocaine.
According to authorities, a passenger arriving from Jamaica Saturday morning was carrying fried fish their luggage.
During an X-ray examination of a passenger’s luggage, officers said they noticed anomalies in some of the cooked fish.
Officers said the bellies of some of the fish were sewn together and certain fish felt thicker than the rest.
Authorities said they found 2.3 pounds of cocaine hidden inside the fish, which they seized.

The fish in question are fried and dried out, so I can’t quite tell if they’re some sort of Triggerfish or if they’re beat up Hog Snapper……is it weird that the type of fish is the detail I’m most concerned with here? Also, it should be noted that these fried fish stuffed with cocaine have nothing to do with the eels in Italy who are addicted to cocaine.

How did nobody along the cocaine supply chain stop and say ‘wouldn’t it be better just to swallow cocaine pellets than to try and smuggle in cocaine-stuffed snapper from Jamaica?’ It’s already a massive pain in the ass to bring any sort of food across international borders. Leaving Costa Rica last Summer I purchased a SEALED bottle of Salsa Lizano, the BEST SAUCE IN THE GODDAMN WORLD. I purchased this in an airport gift shop only to begin boarding my plane and have it confiscated by a SECOND round of security on the tarmac…complete b.s. However, I got my sauce when I discovered it for sale on Amazon, and if you’ve been to Costa Rica before you know how delicious it is and you’ll join me in restocking by BUYING IT NOW for ten bucks. It’s good on eggs, rice, fish, chicken…pretty much anything. And if you haven’t been to Costa Rica and aren’t familiar with Salsa Lizano just trust me, it’ll change your life, so buy a bottle and give it a shot.

With only 2.3-pounds of cocaine hidden inside the fried fish I can’t help but think this was a reconnaissance mission. The smugglers were testing whether or not fried fish would be a viable method for smuggling blowcaine (obviously it’s not), and tried to send through a small-ish quantity before trying to push a ton of blow fish across the border.

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