Most parents like to think that their kids are special little snowflakes who can do no wrong and will go to great lengths just to defend how amazing their treacherous little spawn are. Others, like mine, think their kids are shitheads, which is pretty accurate.
James Foster, a 40-year-old convicted felon, falls into the former category.
According to The Smoking Gun, on August 31st a group of about seven girls were bowling next to Chris and Desiree Lyons who were with their 17-year-old daughter. The two groups were sharing a table between the lanes, however when a drink spilled an argument ensued.
“The females eventually left stating that they were going to come back with their boyfriends,” the affidavit notes. When the girls returned, they were accompanied by Foster, an ex-con who has served time for shooting with intent to kill and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.
Foster is the father of one of the girls who tangled with the Lyons family at The Lanes at Coffee Creek.
Imagine the six girls standing outside the bowling alley furiously typing away on their phones trying to get their boyfriends to come defend their honor, when the seventh one (who I’m going to call Tiffany, because why not) pipes up and says “Hey guys, my Dad is an ex-con, HE’LL fuck shit up for us!”
One of the other girls (let’s call her Franny) replies, “Yeah whatever you just don’t have a boyfriend to bring,” to which everyone laughs and Tiffany silently texts her Dad to also fuck up Franny.
A witness told police that Foster began “swinging punches with a closed fist.” During the confrontation, Foster allegedly bit off Chris Lyons’s ear. Lyons, 48, subsequently told investigators that his ear “could not be reattached, that he will have to undergo plastic surgery and skin grafting to repair the damage caused by the defendant.”
Police noted that the Lyons family was fearful that Foster “will find them again and retaliate for the charges sought.”
And this is why you don’t fuck with petty female teenagers. They are not only violent and will hold grudges for YEARS longer than necessary, but their fathers are typically deluded by the idea that their daughters are perfect and will go to great lengths to protect that notion.
Foster is scheduled for a November21st Tulsa District Court hearing.
[H/T and images via The Smoking Gun]