Wal-Mart is the only place in the world where you can find the world’s finest assortment of trashy people AND stupid criminals. I grew up in a fairly suburban area with nice houses (although we didn’t have any white picket fences *tear) and minivans to shuttle kids to and from soccer practice, but the moment you crossed into that Wal-Mart parking lot it was like you’d walked into the 1800’s. Pickup trucks are a perfectly normal vehicle to drive, but ones with confederate flag decals plastered all over the bumpers are not.
It’s not just “my” Wal-Mart that’s trashy though; the clientele at any of those fine establishments tends to be pretty ratchet across the board. When I was at Panama City Beach last spring break the PCB Wal-Mart was THE place to be if you wanted to park your car with its doors wide-open so you could blast music and twerk in a parking lot. So it comes with no surprise that Shirley Mason, 46, was caught allegedly stealing from a Wal-Mart and then using one of the store’s motorized shopping carts as a getaway car. #Winning.
Shirley Mason, 46, is accused of stealing a motorized wheelchair shopping cart from a local Wal-Mart store and riding it nearly two miles before law enforcement caught up with her.
Mason, who had an outstanding warrant out for her arrest when the Sept. 8 Wal-Mart incident occurred, has been charged with two separate counts: second-degree retail fraud, stemming from an incident that occurred previously at the Roosevelt Park Wal-Mart store, and with organized retail crime from the Fruitport Township incident.
When police located Mason on the motorized wheelchair from the Fruitport Township Walmart store at 1879 E. Sherman, she allegedly had several bags full of stolen goods, authorities said…
Mason explained to the police officer that she tried to call for a ride, but couldn’t get a hold of anyone so instead she took the motorized wheelchair “because she didn’t feel like walking,” according to police.
To be fair, I never feel like walking, so I get where she’s coming from. As for what she was planning to do with her $600 of stolen merchandise…
She told police she had intended to sell the clothing for money, authorities said.
If a day ever comes where I buy black market clothing from Wal-Mart, someone please come along and put me out of my misery.