Australia is famous as being the country home to more deadly species than any other on the planet, it’s an island nation full of crocs, snakes, spiders, and deadly jellyfish. But today Australia is making headlines thanks to a seemingly innocuous species of fish who hath borne a mutant specimen with two mouths.
The bony bream small-to-medium sized freshwater fish that is silvery in appearance and calls Northern and Central Australia home (though it’s find throughout the country). This bony bream was caught in South Australia’s Lake Bonny, it has two mouths, and this monstrosity makes me want to throw up but I’m not sure which mouth to aim my spewing vomit towards:
Garry Warrick told Australia’s ABC News that he caught the unusual fish, a bony bream, in a net in either South Australia’s Lake Bonny or one of the creeks adjoining it.
“Both mouths are actually joined together,” he said. “The top one opens and closes but the bottom one looks permanently open. Other than that, it looks like a normal fish.”
Warrick, a commercial fisherman for 30 years, said he catches about 100 tons of fish each year and has seen fish deformities, like misshapen heads, but this is the first time he’s seen one with two mouths. He recalled a local turtle breeder that bred a turtle with two heads that ultimately didn’t survive, but said the fish was alive when he spotted it in the net.
What in the actual fuck are you Australians dumping in the water over there? This is not normal. This is straight out of ‘The Simpsons’. A deformity such as this is something I’d expect to see in the fallout from the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico, not some tiny lake in South Australia.
I hope that someone went back and set that lake on fire because we do NOT need mutant fish breeding a new master race of fish with two mouths. And now I’ll kindly ask you to excuse me while I go throw up.