No Big Deal, But the NSA Has Been Looking at the Nudes You’ve Been Sexting People


Hey, you know those “for-your-eyes-only” nudes you keep sexting your sexual partners? Guess what! Someone else — let’s just call him “Big Brother” — is actually drooling over them too. According to a new interview with Edward Snowden in The Guardian, the NSA is looking at all your sexy sexts to each other, snickering in their cubicles about your dong and boob sizes inside their headquarters:

You’ve got young enlisted guys, 18 to 22. They’ve suddenly thrust into a position of extraordinary responsibility, where they now have access to all of your private records. Now, in the course of their daily work, they stumble across something that is completely unrelated to their work in any sort of necessary sense. For example: an intimate nude photo of someone in a sexually compromising situation, but they’re extremely attractive. So what do they do? They turn around in their chair, and they show their coworker. And their coworker says, “Oh, hey, that’s great. Send that to Bill down the way. And then Bill sends it to George, George sends it to Tom, and sooner or later, this person’s whole life has been seen by all of these other people. It’s never reported. Nobody ever knows about it, because the auditing of these systems is incredibly weak.

So there you go. The next time you sext, remember you’re doing it for an audience. Kind of like a pornstar, performing for a private group of chads with government jobs with security clearances in the D.C./Baltimore area.

Then again, you’re an IDIOT if you didn’t think this was a possibility. It’s 2014: Of course your nudes that you were stupid enough to send in the first place are getting stockpiles in some server farm somewhere.

Maybe someday the NSA employees will return the favor and sext back. Sharing, after all, is caring.

Hot girl pic via Shutterstock

Brandon Wenerd avatar
BroBible's publisher and a founding partner, circa 2009. Brandon is based in Los Angeles, where he oversees BroBible's partnership team and other business development activities. He still loves to write and create content, including subjects related to internet culture, food, live music, Phish, the Grateful Dead, Philly sports, and adventures of all kinds. Email: