O.J. Simpson’s Parole Hearing Is Almost Here And You Can Place Some Ridiculous Bets On His Fate

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Society has a whole can take a collective sigh of relief, as the guy who totally didn’t kill anyone could be released from prison as early as October 1. O.J. Simpson’s parole hearing has been set for July 20 before a panel of four parole commissioners who could approve his release.

The infamous football star has served 9 years of his 33 year sentence for a botched armed robbery and kidnapping attempt after stealing his own sports memorabilia from a Vegas casino hotel room. Simpson claimed the memorabilia and other personal items were his, hence his attempt to try to reclaim them at gunpoint.

Reports indicate that Simpson has been a model inmate, which helps his bid for parole immensely if true. I guess it’s easy to be a model inmate when you’re the golden child of the prison. Simpson reportedly has a flat screen TV in his cell where he watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians and inmates allow him to skip to the front of the line in the cafeteria. He plays poker and umpires softball games. He also coaches the prison softball team. The guards even nicknamed him Nordberg — his character’s name in The Naked Gun film franchise.

In a few short days, we’ll find out if Simpson will be walking among us, but before then, you can place your bets. Check out some of the outrageous bets you can place on Simpson’s fate pre and post hearing, via Sports Betting Experts:

Will OJ Simpson be released on parole?

Before October 15, 2017: -450
On or after October 15, 2017: +300

Will Donald Trump reference OJ Simpson and/or his parole hearing in a Tweet before 11:59 PM Eastern on July 23, 2017?

Yes: +180
No: -210

What will OJ Simpson do as he leaves prison?

Smile and Wave: -150
Smile: +350
Cry: +650
Fall to his knees and kiss the ground: +1250
No Expression/Other: +300

OJ Simpson’s first stop upon release from prison?

Home/Hotel: +150
Airport: +300
In-n-Out Burger: +750
Red Lobster: +750
Any other restaurant: +450
7-11: +1000
Golf Course: +1500
Strip Club: +2500
Casino: +2500
Brothel: +5000

Will OJ Simpson go back to prison for another crime before 1/31/18?

Yes: +500
No: -750

Hide yo kids, hide yo wives.

[h/t Sports Betting Experts]

 

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.