This Old Dude Going Ballistic On A Cyclist After Refusing To Share The Road Is The Funniest Video You’ll See Today

The only people more annoying than bikers in a major city are the people who stop you on the sidewalk with a clip board and faux enthusiasm and try to guilt you into listening to their spiel about global warming. The ‘Share the Road’ movement has birthed a whole new breed of entitled assholes who only obey the rules of the road that benefit them–biking through red lights, slapping the side of cars to signal that the motorist is encroaching their space, and generally trying to kill pedestrians walking in a crosswalk for sport. I don’t know where these dickbags got all this courage–maybe it’s manifested resentment from years of getting atomic wedgies or projected jealousy of people who can afford cars while they ride to their Comcast customer service jobs on a fucking Huffy–but these fuckers need to check themselves before I wreck themselves with my ’91 Toyota Corolla with power windows and luke warm air conditioning.

…I’ve had a tough week. And it’s only Monday.

Anyhoo, the clip above is some top-shelf entertainment, huh?! I was legit scared for the biker. No one is crazier or has less to lose than a grown man over 40 still living in a surf town. The dude sleeps on a bed of broken dreams. I love how many times he dropped that he was a surfer. Bro, you’re shaped like a Russian doll, if you’re a surfer, consider me Miles Davis. But someone needs to fight my fight, and if it happens to be the psycho homophobe with human body parts in his freezer, then so be it.

Now that we’re on the topic of road rage, this is a goodie.

[h/t Death and Taxes]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.