Hey Guys! Gather Around And Watch This Old Dude Chomping On His Own Ear Wax At Wimbledon

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It’s pretty safe to say that old people abide by their own set of fucked up rules. If you’re over the age of like 70, you’re not really a human. You may look like a human, you may speak human words, hell you may even put your pants on one leg at a time, but when it comes down to it, you’ve abandoned any sense of civility and defaulted back to the animalistic ways you were born into. You’ve spent every day up to this point kissing asses and pissing in toilets and being courteous and polite and on your 70th birthday your brain is just like ‘fuck it, my ear wax is probably delicious.’ And the dude in this video isn’t some drugged-out bum who had no other choice but to eat his own ear poop, he’s a member of the elite class. We are all susceptible to crazy. Like 30 years ago if this dude looked into a crystal ball and saw himself ingesting his own ear wax, he would have probably offed himself right then and there.

Dear Future Children,

I’m sorry I haven’t paid attention to you for your entire lives. I blame alcohol. But if I ever get to the point where I’m eating my own ear puke, take me out back and put one between my eyes. Oh ya, sorry I don’t have anything to my name to leave you in the will, but I think there’s a few skunked beers in the fridge.

Fuck It,
Matt aka Dad (lol)

[h/t Barstool]