This Woman Lit Her Roommate On Fire For Throwing Out Her Spaghetti And I Can’t Say I Blame Her

You don’t just fuck with someone else’s food, people. I don’t care if the your shared fridge is full to the brim of half-full mayonnaise jars because your roommate likes to eat it by the spoonful; you don’t just go and chuck someone else’s food into the trash. The only exception is if it’s full of mold and straight-up rotting, but even then you should think to yourself “Is my roommate a psychotic bitch who will want to eat this rotting plate of spaghetti later?” because if the answer to that is “Yes,” then you should 100% definitely not throw that out because otherwise she’ll light you on fire.

But maybe that’s only if you live with 33-year-old Melissa Dawn Sellers.

Around 2:30 a.m., 33-year-old Melissa Dawn Sellers got into an argument with 42-year-old Carlos Ortiz Jr. at a home on the 300 block of Gunn Avenue. The two had been drinking, and Sellers doused Ortiz’s upper body with nail polish remover and ignited with him a lighter or cigarette, police said.

According to Ortiz’s friend and witness, Ines Causevic, Sellers was angry at Ortiz because he had thrown out her spaghetti and meatballs.

Via Bay News 9

Now to be fair, spaghetti is pretty fuckin’ great. No one in their right minds can say “Fuck spaghetti” with a straight face, so lighting Carlos on fire is a pretty justifiable response if you ask me. Now if he’d thrown out, say, a plate full of celery, then no you can’t just light someone on fire for that. Fuck celery get spaghetti, that’s my motto.

“She was setting little objects on fire, then that turned into pouring nail polish remover all over him, and then all of a sudden, the lighter sparked and he lit on fire,” said Causevic.

Causevic said she threw water on Ortiz and tore his shirt off, trying to put out the fire.

“When he got up, his face was like melting off, it was pink and sore,” said Causevic. “His lips were burning.”

Ortiz was taken to Tampa General Hospital, where he is listed in critical condition with burns to his face, chest and shoulders.

Sellers left the scene before police arrived, but returned later from her stepfather’s home nearby and was arrested, police said. She was charged with aggravated battery.

Via Bay News 9

However, Sellers’ charges have now been updated to attempted murder due to how bad she fucked up Carlos. If there’s a lesson we can all learn from this, I think that it’s “Don’t fuck with a woman’s spaghetti, because she will try to fucking kill you.”

[H/T Gawker and Bay News 9, image via Bay News 9]