I can’t help cure whatever chemical imbalance is in your brain that forces you to look at some chick’s Instagram photos five times a day or stand by your phone idly waiting for a new text message from her.
Although every bro in America should know this by now, these are completely desperate actions that actually make it harder for you to get with women. All that time spent thinking – what’s she doing right now, who’s she with, what she’s going to say – only increases the distance between your cock and her vagina.
As a rule of thumb, you should dissociate with all bros who are trapped in these unhealthy mind games. It’s not good to be around someone who’s this invested in a chick who isn’t his wife or long-term girlfriend, but some of us are naturally good hearted and can’t help ourselves. We see a friend suffering and we think we can help him get through these dark days, when, in reality, he’s the only one holding the keys to the dungeon.
He can free himself from this mental prison anytime he wants.
Unfortunately, in most cases, bros don’t even recognize that this is where they are – caught in a torturous cycle of misguided thoughts, struggling to focus on anything else than some random girl they met at a bar last weekend. (Or, even worse, on Tinder or some dating site).
In case you don’t know where you fall on this spectrum (complete denial or ready to accept your borderline stalker behavior), here are five signs you’re overthinking it with a girl:
1. Bitch, bitch, bitch
You spend six hours of an eight hour work day complaining to different friends on G-Chat about this girl you brought home last night but didn’t fuck because she doesn’t like sleeping with guys on the first night. Yes, it’s a mind-numbingly shitty thing to have happen to you (trust me, it really does suck for those who haven’t had the displeasure), but that still doesn’t warrant all the bitching.
You’re doing nobody a favor, especially those aforementioned friends of yours, by not shutting the fuck up about it. Bringing it up conversation after conversation is not going to get you laid so do yourself a favor: go rub one out in the company stall and get back to work. That way you won’t have to be doing make up work Sunday afternoon when your buddies are watching the football game.
2. Reaching out to her friends
If you even know them, consulting her friends for an opinion or advice is easily the most sophomoric, unconfident play on the entire planet. It lets them in way too close to what you’re thinking and where you’re vulnerabilities are, and leaves open the door for some backstabbing down the road. Ask yourself this before you reach out to her friends: where does their loyalty lie with her or with you? It’s 100% with her so anything you say can be used against you in the court of female law, even if it’s something completely innocent.
Not only does this play require two or three times the extra work than your average hook up should, it also reeks of desperation. It’s cologne you can never scrub off. Once you’ve entered this territory, you’re going to earn a reputation of being a sensitive guy who needs approval from those around him before taking action. This hesitancy – going to her friends before going to her – is the first indicator that the “relationship” isn’t going to last very long.
If you can’t figure out what’s wrong with her yourself, then you’re going to live a very long, frustrated life. Do you think your dad routinely calls up your mom’s best friend for advice on how he should handle his marriage? No.
You learn from instinct, you read people and you take direction from their body language (or lack thereof). If a chick doesn’t want to be around you, it should be obvious. Take a step back and let her breath. Don’t go around looking for answers like you’re cracking the Da Vinci Code. One of two things will happen: she’ll come back to you eventually and tell you what’s wrong or she’ll break it off with you and tell you what’s wrong. Isn’t it better to hear it from her and not some friends who you never gave two cents about?
3. History no longer a mystery
The minute you begin to unlock this chick’s backstory, you’ve opened a can of worms you never were supposed to unleash and that you’ll never be able to put a lid back on. I honestly feel bad for bros who feel the need to know everything about the chick they’re with – who cares if she dated a basketball player in high school or went out with a financial analyst six months before meeting you?
Why should any of that matter?
The short answer is that it doesn’t, but once that history has been brought to the surface it’s almost impossible to forget about. Inevitably, you’re going to bring it up in an argument, which will predictably lead to her throwing out something up about your past. At this point, the fire will be out of control and nobody will be there to extinguish it.
All I have to say is good luck rubbing it out for the next two months because you couldn’t resist bringing up her ex-boyfriend Chad. Real smart play, dude.
If you don’t believe me about how dangerous this is, then listen to the wise words of Silent Bob.
4. Lying without purpose
There are so many twisted examples of this that I don’t think there’s enough space here to fit them all in. For the sake of brevity, I will just say this: if you’re chasing after a girl but feel the uncontrollable need to distort the truth to anybody – your friends, your family, or even her – than you’re definitely overthinking it. What’s wrong with just coming out and openly saying these words: I like hanging out with her a lot and I look forward to seeing her again.
Was that that hard? I know the male ego can be a tough thing to hurdle, but once you’ve come to terms with the fact that the best way to express yourself is with honesty, then life will seem, and be, a lot more easier. You don’t have to go around making things up to justify what you’re doing or how you’re feeling. And, most importantly, you certainly don’t have to exaggerate the truth to impress her or others about who you are.
It’s the most abused and corny phrase in the English language but it really holds true to when applied to overthinking it: be yourself.
5. Checking the phone
Calls, texts, photos SnapChats, Tweets – you can’t help but have your phone glued to your hand constantly check for updates of what she’s doing, even though it’s more meaningless than the NFL preseason. What can you possibly get from seeing an Instagram of her and her friends out having a girl’s night? Absolutely nothing.
Go out and create some fun on your own. Stop vicariously living through what she’s doing; it’s completely unhealthy and almost guaranteed to make you miserable in the long term, if not immediately.
Hopefully, you have some good friends who will help you out of this rut that you’re in, but the power to power off that device comes from within. Free yourself from it.