We’ve all gone through the strenuous, often long-winded process of breaking up with someone we loved, or thought we did. The action itself is preluded by a specific moment or point of realization when we decided that the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. Like “Oh, when did Cheryl grow a penis?” Or “Am I really going to marry someone named Cheryl? That’s my mom’s name.” I don’t know, these are just examples.
Redditor pirateofthecaribbean posed this question earlier today and the responses ranged from heartfelt to funny to downright pathetic. Check out some of the best below, accompanied with commentary from me–a 28-year-old single dude with no prospects on the horizon.
Do you remember the exact moment or point of realization when you decided your current partner wasn’t the one?
When masturbation, was prefered to sex with her. Not that she wasn’t attractive, sex was just a chore.
No shame. At least when you’re masturbating, you’re not disappointing anyone else.
She cheated on me with one of her professors. I told her that if she cheated on me again that I would summarily dump her. So the sign that it was over was when she cheated on me with some old, fat dude.
I think the problem was that I just wasn’t her type because now she’s married to some other old, fat dude.
Hate to break it to you bro, but if the first time you get cheated on it’s just a ‘warning,’ you’re next girlfriend will probably fuck your dad. We accept the love we think we deserve. Have some goddamn standards for yourself. Fuck.
When I came home from a trip and realized that I didn’t want to tell him that I was home just yet. I wanted to be alone longer.
“Katie said she would be home on March 8th. It’s July. You know girls, ALWAYS LATE! *nervous laughter*”
When I realized I had just spent over an hour basically bitching about her actions to my friend.
Bringing up your girlfriend’s deficiencies to your friends is a last resort. Once the friends get wind that you’re unhappy, they will turn on her. At that point, the relationship will last as long as a YouTube ad.
It was three months in. She dropped the n word and revealed her stance on race. Ugly.
Mom, dad–this is Tina. She’s a 24-year-old Gemini who loves Pinterest and Soul Cycle and hates black people. What’s for dinner?
When she started a stupid argument and, because I was so impassive while she was weeping, she asked, “Do you even care that I’m upset?!”
And I realized I didn’t.
The worst thing in the world isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And inflamed genital herpes.
When she said I cared more about the gym than her, I realized I did.
NO DAYS OFF.
She chose drugs over me.
Which ones? That’s an important distinction.
How annoyed I’d get when she’d call and say, “Hi.”
UGH. Deal breaker. I’d always prefer my girlfriend to pick up the phone and rip a huge fart into the speaker. We can’t all be so blessed.
We were at a bistro, and she told me that the only way we were having sex that night would be if I bought her a muffin. Trust me guys, it always starts with a muffin.
Wait, did you hand her the money for the muffin or buy it yourself? Just trying to find out if your ex is a prostitute.
Do any of these resonate with you bros? Have any more to add? Throw your reasons in the comment section and I will take a look at them later on, when I’m not busy masturbating to pictures of my ex.
[h/t Reddit]