Here Are The Perfect Gifts For Every Person On Your List So You Don’t Have To Think
Picking out the right Christmas present – sorry, Holiday present – is a pain in the ass, especially as you get older and can’t get away with giving your parents mutant ashtrays you made in shop-class or your girlfriend a coupon book for free sex anymore.
But luckily for you, it’s not hopeless. That’s because I’m going to make sure that you don’t have to hurt yourself thinking this year. No, I’m going to tell you exactly what to buy for everyone on your list. That way you can just order all of these from Amazon, sit back and get baked while watching Rudolph, the Abominable Snowman, and the rest of the Rankin-Bass gang, which, as we all know, is the real reason for the season.
Mom – Pandora Bracelet
Moms love thoughtful gifts. The worst thing you can do is assume mom wants a practical gift and get a set of new pots and pans or something that basically tells her to get in the kitchen. That’s bad form.
Instead, you should get her something just for her, but also something that makes her feel like you have a special connection. Enter the Pandora Bracelet, which is basically a fancy charm bracelet.
The best part is that this also solves the dilemma of what to get mom on future holidays because you can just buy her a new bead or charm or whatever to add to the bracelet. Special points if you buy a charm that reminds her of something that she loves from your childhood. Is it corny? A little, but that is how you win Christmas and you’re not a loser, are you?
Dad – Mr. Beer Craft Brews Collection Complete Home Brewing Kit
Dads, on the other hand, tend to go for gifts that are both a little bit more fun and a little bit more practical. The best solution is to buy a gift that lands in both categories, and what better way to have practical fun than by brewing your own beer?
The Mr. Beer Craft Brews Kit even comes with a goddamn keg because if you’re gonna brew your own beer, you might as well go big or go home. This is America, after all.
Of course, there is always the danger that your dad will end up unleashing some vile concoction that you’ll be forced to drink for the next 20 years because everyone is too embarrassed to tell him that his brew sucks, but at least you’ll get drunk, and what more can you ask for over the holidays?
Grandpa – Band Of Brothers On Blu-Ray
Look, Grandpas love nothing more than getting weepy about the exploits of The Greatest Generation, and there’s no better way to indulge them than by popping Band of Brothers, HBO’s miniseries about American GI’s fucking up Nazis, into the Blu-ray player all day long and letting Grandpa get all worked up about Hitler. It beats sitting around and waiting for him to get worked up about whatever hilariously un-PC craziness is rattling around in his cobweb-addled brain.
Grandma – Heart Pendant Necklace
This heart-shaped sterling silver pendant comes complete with one of those corny messages that grandmas love so much. She’ll be delighted to wear this little pendant from her loving grandson and keep it close to her own heart year-round. You might even get laid! Sorry.