PETA Comes In HOT With This Ad Claiming Eating Chicken Will Make Your Child’s Dick Small

If you’re hung like a nipple, it’s likely because your mom was housing KFC while you were in the womb. At least that’s the claim made by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) in their new ad spot, which begs you to think about your future child’s cock size before every meal.

According to Vice, PETA is pulling to wool over our eyes. Maybe that was a poor choice of words.

PETA says the study found a definitive link between phthalates and penile development. In fact, the study linked reduced penile size to phthalates but not necessarily to chicken; the researchers mention that phthalates are “pervasive” and can be found in toys, personal care products, many types of food, and even the air. They’re also in our tap water and in pesticides sprayed on plants.

Ben Williamson, Senior International Media Director at PETA, defended the ad to Vice by claiming that the ad was humorous yet serious aka PETA killed two birds with one stone. Hypocritical fucks.

“PETA’s humorous new video is simply trying to warn potential new parents about the link between eating chicken and stunted penis growth. Chicken flesh has been shown to cause higher levels of the phthalate Mono(2-ethylhexyl), or MEHP as it’s better known. That’s a fancy name for a chemical that can shrink the penises of unborn children. PETA wonders what new parent wouldn’t want to know about this. Our new ad is simply trying to help people who are concerned about the development of their unborn child. It’s a humorous video with a serious message.”

Granted, I want my son to have a Louisville Slugger, but if he ends up having a chess piece, he’ll have to acquire a tornado tongue. Like his father. And his father’s father.

[h/t Uproxx,]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.