Prehistoric Worm Would Mess You Up Real Good

prehistoric-worm

Danielle Dufault

This, that, THAT, is something that once existed on this planet and is proof that no benevolent deity ever reigned over the Earth.

Just look at that fucking thing. What loving God would create that? It’s the Hallucigenia, a worm which lived over 500 million years ago. It’s in the news today because, although it was discovered 100 years ago, scientists recently realized where its head belonged on its body.

That’s how fucking weird this damn thing is. Scientists were looking at it — people versed in anatomy and evolution — and couldn’t figure out where its head went.

At least they agree that it is unholy. “It looks completely surreal. It is like something from another world,” Dr Martin Smith at the University of Cambridge told the BBC.

Listen to the description.

One side of its thin, tube-like body was covered in pairs of enormous spines, while flimsy, stick-like clawed appendages dangled from its other side.

Oh fuck, and no. It was only an inch long, which somehow is worse. If it was giant, I could shoot it with a gun. But tiny, it could come out of nowhere and crawl up on me. And yea, it’s long extinct, but not long enough in my book.

FOR CHRIST SAKE IT HAS TEETH RUNNING FROM ITS MOUTH TO ITS STOMACH.

Inside the creature’s mouth, the researchers found a ring of teeth and then another set of teeth running from its throat down towards its stomach.

Fuck the world, man.