J.Camm’s Note: This is the first post by the team of Legend and scross (scross-daddy doesn’t capitalize the first letter of his name, I haven’t cared to ask why) they are experts in the “Would You Rather” game. They will be dropping more thought-provoking, conversation-inducing posts like this in the coming weeks. Let us know which you would rather in the comments.
Wow, finally an opportunity to get to the bottom of things.This world is littered with deception, lies, confusion, and unanswered questions. Having the superpower of telling when someone is lying would be an absolute game changer. A game changer along the lines of NFL RedZone, drinking to get rid of a hangover, and free Asian porn online.
Step one would be a sit down with my parents to get some real answers on my childhood. Am I adopted? Did you catch me masturbating that one time or was it just a very close call? And then I’d drop my pants and ask if my penis has always been this small or if it’s shrunk.
Step two would be finding a qualified woman to become my main squeeze. I would ask questions like are you really attracted to me? Are we going to do anal? And will you loan me money when I have a tough week betting sports?
Step three would be to monetize this uncanny ability. I can’t imagine this would be a hard task. Some company would be willing to shell out massive dollars to have a human lie detector on retainer. Bring me in to any business and I’ll sniff out who’s being honest and who’s a lying sack of shit. I could easily become a multi-millionaire off this and finally live the lavish lifestyle I’ve always thought I deserved.
I can understand the dark side of being able to tell when someone’s lying. I would imagine people would be lying to my face all the time and that could get depressing. But fuck it, I’ll take the answers from my childhood, the badass woman, and the money all day.
I’m not big on lying these days. I definitely used to be though. Like as a child, I was borderline pathological. I’d say anything and carry out the most elaborate schemes to try to avoid getting in trouble with my parents. When there was lacking evidence or proof, my go-to was to deny, deny, deny. The intricate web of lies I would weave would give even the most skilled spiders raging arachnid-rections. It’s actually laughable looking back on it. But I also think this isn’t that unusual for children. And I also think most of the time – especially my father – saw right through it all. Oh well though, you live and learn.
And even though I say I tend to avoid lying nowadays, I’d still choose to get away with the occasional lie over knowing when others are lying. I mean it could be interesting at times, advantageous at others, and downright funny in certain instances. Listening to politicians would be hilarious and sickening at the same time. I also know people that I’m positive are still virgins but that feel the need to come up with absurdly elaborate hook-up stories that I know are bullshit but I just don’t care enough to challenge them on. It’d be gratifying to find out that my suspicions are accurate though.
But overall, knowing every lie people tell would be torture. People lie all the fucking time about the dumbest, most trivial things and you would eventually lose all respect for everybody you’ve ever met. No thanks. Unless you can turn the lie-detecting capability on and off, I’ll pass.