It is a fact that all women love Oreos. Sure, if a woman were reading this who didn’t like Oreos, she would disagree and shout something harpy and stupid like “That’s not true; screw this misogynistic bullshit website,” but she would be wrong. For if you ever showed up to a woman’s house with a pack of double stuffed Oreos, she would consume at least nine, even the woman who just shouted “I don’t like Oreos.” What a hypocrite that hypothetical woman is, but it makes sense, for all women are also hypocrites. Oreo-munching hypocrites.
Okay *clap* Valentine’s Day. That’s a fucking tough one. Last time I was in a relationship for it I think I made chili. That was senior year of college. Not a lot of Valentine’s Day experience here from this guy. So take what I say here with a grain of salt. But I think you need flowers and a semblance of a plan, but fuck that. That’s so much work.
For Oreos is here to ensure you don’t have to do any work. Whatsoever. Because they are releasing red velvet Oreos stuffed with cream cheese-flavored frosting and if you bring these to your girlfriend’s house she will go nuts.
“OMG,” she will say, snapping a pic of the red cookies in their tray to share later with the caption ‘How thoughtful is my man? #love #oreos #redvelvet #redvelvetoreos #creamcheese #creamcheesestuffing #happyvday2me’
You are a hero. You’re welcome.
They will be in stores at the start of February. Get searching, Bros.
[Via the Chicago Tribune]