This is just another reason why I’ll always be a single Boatshoe Bobby. Who wants to get interrupted during sex by the police? I sure as shit don’t. Unfortunatley for Reddit user AThrowawayAsshole , Bro already took the plunge and got stuck with married life and all of its “perks.”
This morning I wake up and realize that the kids are sleeping in today. So I wake my wife up and we begin having morning sexy time out in the living room. As we are going at it like teenagers (moaning, loud exclamations of passion, the not so quiet slaps of bodies colliding) the eldest child wakes up, listens to the racket out in the living room and calls 911, telling the operator that “Daddy is hitting Mommy”. Cue the two police cars screeching to a halt in front of our home. My wife and I, being in the middle of great sex, have no idea that the police are here until they begin beating on the front door screaming “Police, open the door”. So my wife and I hurriedly throw on whatever clothes are near us and open the door to four police officers asking me to “step outside”. I ask what is going on, and they repeat the request while another officer walks into my house declaring that he is performing a “safety check”. Completely bewildered with all of this, I demand to know what is going on. The officer finally tells me that they received a call from a child reporting a domestic abuse incident between my wife and I. As soon as he said that, my wife and I turn several shades of red while we explain to the officers that the “domestic abuse” was my wife and I having ‘marital relations’. They immediately understand what happened, and with huge grins suggest that we take the kids’ phone away if we are going to make a habit of this.
Kids. Not even once.