Please Allow This Round Redneck To School You On How To Achieve The Perfect Dip Pinch

In my 28 years on this planet, I’ve learned that success is measured by being the best at just one thing. Society will tell you that you need a ‘well-rounded’ liberal arts education, but at the end of the day all that achieves is just teaching you how to be kind of shitty at a bunch of different things. Andre Agassi’s dad attached tennis balls to the mobile above his crib and basically beat him into becoming the best tennis players on the planet. And last time I checked he amassed over $31 million in prize money and married Brooke Shields and Stef Graffi. So what if he got hooked on meth for a period of time. ERRONEOUS.

This redneck may not know how to speak proper English or “read” or date anyone outside his family tree, but this motherfucker packs a lip so good it makes Tony Gwynn look like he’s never sniffed tobacco before. It’s artful. Inspiring, even. I may head out right now and grab a tin of Grizzly so I can properly teach my daughter the correct way to get a buzz on. Oh what’s that sweetheart, you want to be a doctor? I can’t hear you with that perfect pinch nestled evenly against your gums.

“2 clicks, any more than that you’re just playing with it.” <–My next tattoo.

Now watch this guy’s amazement with this huge tin of Grizzly: 

[h/t TFM]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.