Look, Americans are great and all. I love Americans. I love what we stand for, and I love how much booze we consume, and I love our native spirit, bourbon whiskey.
But we look like like fuck dicks when it comes to the Russians. I mean the Russians are insane. Insane. Every baby is given a liter of vodka at birth and not allowed to leave the hospital until they finish it.
These people are trained to be drunker than anyone else in the world. They also endure more hardships, have a greater pain tolerance, and feel less feelings than any other group on Earth.
They live in fucking Siberia. And for forever, the nation has been coping with all that bullshit with vodka. Vodka don’t do shit. What will happen when they start using whiskey? They’ll become a fucking super species.
But that’s what they are about to start doing. A distillery in Kaliningrad is going to begin making a Russian whiskey.
Don’t think for a second they’ll make some puke bitch twiddly whiskey, like the toddler shit you guzzle. No. They’re making Russian whiskey. I bet a sip of it could kill a bison.
Russia is on course to open its first whiskey distillery after local officials in the region of Kaliningrad greenlit the project to build a factory.
The drink has never been wildly popular in Russia but distillers in Kaliningrad, Russia’s enclave on the Baltic sea, are hoping locally made whiskey will find fans at home.
“In forming the first Russian factory for the distilling of whiskey, we create a unique project within Russia and our region,” [owner Igor] Kudryavtsev said. “It could provide for up to 35 percent of Russia’s whiskey consumption.”
The distillery will take two years to build and permission has been granted to construct it in the Chernyakhovsky District, in the middle of Kaliningrad region. No official deadline for the project has been set
I don’t care if it kills me. I don’t care if it is just gasoline steeped with wood chippings. I don’t care if the law requires you do it with a gunpowder back. I don’t care if I have to fly to Moscow and challenge Putin to a judo match for a taste.
I will try it.
[H/T @TheWhiskeyJug, who is an awesome follow and person]