Today in Potentially Awesome or Horrible News: Science Says Women Like Men with Bigger Penises

The human male possesses the Italian designer faucet of penises. They’re pretty big, the biggest of any primate’s relative to body size. And they’re showy, too, right out there, front and center on our upright bodies (i.e., they don’t retract), as if they were meant to be seen as part of the décor. Why?


Holy shit! Did I stumble onto NBC's Skinemax? Is this “NBC News: After Dark”? I want to poke around and see if I can find a Brian Williams report that compares the merits of, I don't know, Tori Black and Kayden Kross: “Reports coming in to us that when viewers watch a Kayden Kross film lately, they're getting the sense that they're watching a real star in action. A true professional. Sources on the ground tell me, though, that viewers are not getting that feeling from watching Ms. Tori Black's recent work. We sent our own David Gregory in to investigate.”

Anyway, the NBC report goes on to say that every small-membered guys worse nightmare may actually be true, despite how often they drop the line “IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF THE BOAT, YOU GUYS.” A study originally released in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) says that women are actually attracted to big penises. To wit:

The researchers displayed all the figures to 105 Australian women with an average age of 26. The women, who were not told which traits varied, were asked to rate the attractiveness of the figures as sexual partners on a scale of 1-7. The women were alone in the room and their responses were anonymous.

As past studies have shown, women prefer tall men with broad shoulders and narrow hips, like an Olympic swimmer. But when Mautz controlled for those variables, it turned out that penis size (overall length and girth) was about as important as stature.

“As you increase penis size, the amount of attractiveness scores gets bigger” in a linear fashion, he explained, until 7.6 centimeters, or 3 inches. After three inches, attractiveness still increased, but in smaller increments.

Not only were the ratings higher, but the women also spent more time gazing at the generously endowed figures, a sign they preferred looking at them as opposed to figures with smaller penises.


There you have it, you guys. Expect this to lead to some sort of penis-cleavage type pants, because you know that men will try to take advantage of their big dongs.

[Shocked girl covers mouth image via Shutterstock]