What are the most important things in life? To me, they are health, happiness and sex. Yeah, money comes pretty close but hardly anyone would dispute these three. Actually the three are kind of interconnected. We all know sex provides tons of benefits for our health, and so all things equal – more sex equals better health. Sex also correlates with happiness, duh. When you’re getting laid, it’s difficult not to be happy. If money is number one on your list, we also reported last month that those who bang more, earn more.
For some scientists, the most important thing in life is to live their purpose, values and dreams. This means conducting critical research that could yield life-changing knowledge for mankind. Therefore a group of researchers wanted to find out whether they could make human beings happier, and bring world peace to the universe, if we all begin to have sex twice as often starting tomorrow. You know, these behavioral economists and psychologists are a noble bunch.
The Sexciting Study
Playboy reported this study from the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization which involved 128 heterosexual married couples. The average participant was having sex about 5-6 times a month. Approximately half of them were randomly assigned to double their sexual intercourse frequency for three months; the other half were given no such instructions.
Actually the idea of getting couples to ramp up their love-making sessions isn’t anything new. There’s even an entire self-help book cum tell-all memoir dedicated to that. Written by Douglas Brown, the book takes things to an extreme – challenging readers to have sex for 101 consecutive days. Excuses such as “the flu, late-night child wanderings, or flat-out exhaustion” are not entertained. No pain, no glory. You gotta screw your way through; there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
“In addition to the awe found in their ability to get it on day after day – and actually enjoy it – they were more surprised and touched by how much closer it made them,” says the book’s description.
So, does conventional wisdom match up in the study?
The Shocking Results
Firstly, the group that was instructed to double their sexy time found it hard to reach the lofty target set by the researchers. On average, they only managed to increase the frequency of getting their private parts wet by 40%.
And now the shocker: “Surprisingly, however, an increase in sexual frequency did not translate to an increase in happiness. In fact, just the opposite was observed. The couples who increased their sexual frequency were LESS happy than the control group for all three months of the study.”
Maybe they were just sad that they couldn’t hit the target. Damn, scientists. They should set an easier goal next time so people wouldn’t get so demoralised until it’s hard to get hard.
Actually, I’m wrong. Because they further reported that “the mood of couples who doubled the amount of sex they were having was no better than the mood of couples who achieved a smaller increase in sexual frequency.”
Can you freaking believe this? Having sex 12 times a month will not make you happier than doing the deed 5 or 6 times. In fact, you might end up dejected, miserable and contemplating what the hell is the purpose of life. Or wind up on the bed discussing with your wife if Zen and celibacy is the secret to happiness.
Explanation, justification, enlightenment…whatever
Okay, here’s the explanation because we all deserve one. The researchers argue that forcing people to work out their reproductive organs more regularly “affected the couples’ intrinsic motivation to have sex.”
What. The. Fuck. Pity those couples. They were told to have more sex and then after three months, ‘hey, you’re now unhappier because we told you to have more sex’.
So if your wife nags you to hit the gym because the endorphins will make you happy – tell her ‘hell no’. Forcing you to exercise will turn something fun and spontaneous into something planned and obligatory. You have my permission to remain on the couch and eat pizza.
Food for thought: If the participants were not required to stick to the same sex partner, would the results be different? Sex researchers out there – I just gave you a fantastic idea for your next research project and I’m always willing to volunteer my body for science because curiosity, altruism and whatever.