Watch This Self-Parking Car Decide Not To Self-Park And Mow Down Journalists At A Demonstration

K, not bad for a first trial run. Ok, Dale why don’t you put your shin bones back in your leg before we shovel you off the pavement so you can gear up for an encore. Really put your shoulder into it this time, though. I’ll have to check with the judges, but I’m pretty sure the 2,000 lb. vehicle bested you on that one. Get mean this time around, softie. Best out of 7 series.

According to WTOP, this catastrophe occurred in the Dominican Republic as a demonstration  of a Volvo XC60 and its self-parking assist feature went, uh, not as planned. The site says that the crash was caused by human error, as someone forgot to turn on the vehicle’s “City Safe Mode,” which senses objects in front of the car and stops the vehicle from moving.

The man reportedly received “minor bruising” from the incident. Uh, guys, we saw it. On YouTubes. The dude’s dead. I’d bet the farm on it. Just let me know where to send the flowers.

P.S. This is the first alarming sign that technology will rise up and kill us one day. I give it 15 years before computers start fucking our girlfriends, stealing our booze, and giving us STDs. This is tech’s first soft warning.

You heard it here first.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.