67-Year-Old Serial Killer ‘Granny The Ripper’ Crushed 50 Sleeping Pills Into Friend’s Salad Before Chopping Her Head Off

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Tamara Samsonova is my dream girl, even if it means she drops a toaster into my bath while I’m soakin’ up the suds. It’s been almost a full year since we heard anything about my favorite serial killing grandma, and boy oh boy has she been busy – well, not LITERALLY busy. Chick’s been behind bars in a Soviet-era Kazaan mental hospital for the past year after getting caught killing and eating (some of) her victims for the past two decades, and while she is merely “suspected” of being involved with other killings, the case against her for slicing up her friend Valentina Ulanova, 79, finally made it to court this week:

Russia’s powerful Investigative Committee – the equivalent of the FBI – sent her case to court, as prosecutors alleged that her friend Valentina Ulanova, 79, died ‘on the spot’ from a huge drugs overdose.

Samsnoova used a handsaw to slice up Mrs Ulanova, for whom she was a carer, in July last year, using plastic bags to dispose of other body parts.(via)

Here’s our favorite psychotic grandma walking down a stairwell in he apartment complex, carrying a pot that supposedly has Mrs. Ulanova’s boiled head in it. Yum yum!

Since many of her past murders were pulled off without any evidence being discovered, Russian police have resorted to using pages out of her diary to link her to murders. However not all entries are as straightforward as “Woke up, ate eggs, choked a bitch,” which means that while Samsonova is suspected of killing her husband, mother-in-law and a slew of tenants, she is currently only being tried for the death of Ulanova. As for diary entries like this…

‘I killed my tenant Volodya, cut him to pieces in the bathroom with a knife, put the pieces of his body in plastic bags and threw them away in the different parts of Frunzensky district.’

…welp, the body is gone and it happened years ago. Bummer if you’re “Volodya” or Russian police but a real home run if you’re Samsonova.

Authorities have so far refrained from ruling out charging her with additional crimes, however a police source is quoted as stating “We may never know the extent of this granny’s killings.” Considering that Samsonova was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, that seems like a fair statement – like she’s going to tell the police about all the fun-filled killing sprees she’s been on. You may be able to trick the average idiot over here in the United States to do that, but Russians? Nah. They may have their own idiots, but at least those idiots know how to do two things: drink, and STFU when the Kremlin comes a-knockin’.

[H/T Metro]