Times Square Spider-Man Beats The Piss Out Of A Mere Mortal Who Was Heckling Other Street Performers


What in God’s green earth was this dude thinking?? I don’t care how big you are, you’re a mental midget if you try to drop the gloves with Spider-Man. Not because he’s actually Spider-Man, but because he thinks he is. And that’s a dangerous distinction. A dude that’s willing to wake up every morning, throw on a spandex superhero costume, and spend the entire day in character in one of the busiest areas in the world, is a dude who doesn’t play by society’s rules. A dude with nothing to lose.

And you know that it’s not just a fight for Spidey. You come into his place of employment, mock his profession, and embarrass his friends, you have to expect to get tied into a pretzel in front of Toys ‘R Us. That’s the logical sequence of events. Spidey’s going to throw the kitchen sink at you and if you aren’t prepared, you’re going to get Rousey-ed.

P.S. Gotta be the most emasculating thing ever to go home to your wife and tell her your black eye is from Times Square Spider-Man. Might as well beat her to it and file for divorce yourself. Loser.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.