It's sophomore spring break, and what better way to blow $2K in a week than to head down to Cancun with the boys? We get down to the resort, if you can even call it that, and it's literally the epitome of college.
Slutty state school girls everywhere, alcohol so cheap you can smell the hangover, and the shittiest possible rooms. It's like we never left home.
One fine afternoon, I find my boy talking to three chicks from Pitt, and I saunter over to sample the menu. One's a solid 8 with great tatas, who we’ll call Tatas, another girl is maybe a drunken 7, and the third is just a horse. After talking to Tatas for maybe 10 minutes, I am struck by a moment of drunken brilliance. I ask her if she could ever be mad at me, and up to this point I've been nothing but a gentleman so of course she says she could never be mad at me.
As soon as she said that I was motor-boating those cans like there was no tomorrow, and they were definitely built for comfort. Tatas and the other girls laugh hysterically after I finish and all is well.
By this point, another buddy, who we’ll call Shits (he got Montezuma’s revenge later in the trip) had joined us and quickly jumps in and starts talking to Tatas, who he disappears with after 5 minutes of talking. So I turn my attention to the 7 and we talk for maybe 15 minutes before wandering off toward my room.
As I open the door to my room, I’m greeted by the image of Shits balls-deep in Tatas on one of the beds in our room. Tatas is embarrassed and tries to cover up, but Shits just turns to see who entered the room, turns back to continue boning Tatas and just says “bathroom or balcony bro” while trying to find his way back inside Tatas.
So my chick and I decide to bone on the balcony because when else do you get the chance to pipe a girl on a balcony with no repercussions?
So we’re out on the balcony drunkenly going at it for what must have been 30 minutes. Out of nowhere I hear a tapping on the glass door behind me and turn my head only to see Shits standing in the door staring at me with a huge goofy smile on his face and waving at me. I shoo him away and go back to railing this girl. After I finish, Shits has left the room so I send her on her way and head back to the beach to find my boys.
Later at night, we’re all sitting at dinner shooting the shit and swapping stories, but my encounter has yet to come up, until Shits just goes, “Guys, I saw [My name]’s asshole today.” At which point the whole table loses its shit and this same story is told.
Shits and I have been boys on par with Eskimo bros since that day. It might not have been my vinegar face, but seeing a man's asshole is up there.
Have a crazy Spring Break story? Tell us. Now.
“