Meet Carolynn Wright. This lovely lady doesn’t like condoms and lube. SHE LOVES CONDOMS AND LUBE! She loves condoms and lube so much that she is willing to bite off the finger of a Walmart employee and go to jail for condoms and lube.
Carolynn, a 23-year-old stripper, stole a pack of condoms, lube, a bra and two pairs of panties from a Walmart in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina on Sunday. Walmart loss prevention officers, Candice Lawsom and Suzanne Koseroski, followed Wright out of the store and attempted to stop Carolynn from getting away with the stolen merchandise. That’s when the make-pretend cops learned a valuable lesson: nothing gets between Carolynn and her condoms and lube.
A brouhaha erupted between the three women, during which Carolynn apparently punched Koseroski in the head, causing her to bleed from her ear. Wright refused to be denied and chomped on Lawsom’s hand. The lube-loving lass gnawed off a piece of Lawsom’s finger. The finger tip was later recovered by police, but it couldn’t be reattached.
A concerned customer saw the horrible fight and tried to call 911. Carolynn thought otherwise and grabbed the woman’s phone, then pulled her hair and punched her the face.
Wright then fled the chaotic scene and jumped in a gold-colored minivan in the parking lot that had a 71-year-old man sitting in it. She emphatically told the man to “drive,” but he told her that “there was someone standing in front of the vehicle blocking his way.” Wright again demanded that he “Drive!” Carolynn apparently convinced the old codger to drive her to the Walmart, then to sit in the car because she was going into the store “to make a purchase.” Maybe next time you commit a crime, don’t have your grandpa as your getaway driver.
Wright was finally arrested and is facing charges of aggravated assault, a felony, simple assault and larceny, reports The Smoking Gun. Police recovered condoms, lubricant, panties, bra, camisole and other clothes totaling $40.07. I can’t quite place my finger on why Carolynn would commit this crazy crime for $40. I imagine either can the one Walmart employee.
Last March, Wright pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault and battery charge stemming from her arrest for battering a coworker with a “clear plastic high-heeled shoe” during a confrontation at Chez Joey, a Myrtle Beach gentlemen’s club. Ohh là là, c’est magnifique! Sounds like a fancy joint.
Carolynn’s victim was treated at a local hospital for a swollen left eye, swelling to her forehead and puncture wounds to her scalp. Stripper stilettos are fucking dangerous! She should have been charged with attempted murder for swinging a pointy stripper stiletto at someone’s head.
You have to appreciate the passionate zeal for safe sex that Carolynn is brimming with. However, when you think about it, she’s a tad inconsistent. She’s devoted to not contracting a sexually transmitted disease, but she’s willing to bite off the finger of a stranger. And not just any stranger, a Walmart employee who’s spending their entire day touching Walmart stuff. Not exactly hygienic if you ask me.