New Study: That Obnoxious Couple Who Always Posts Cutesie Pics On Facebook Is Destined For Failure

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Every one of us has Facebook friended that girl in our freshman dorm years back who we never got to know properly, and now, 10 years later, know more about her love life than we know about our grandparents. Why? Because every 8 minutes she posts a picture of her and her flavor or the week having a #DateNight at Chili’s. Relentless. Well why don’t you just stop crying about it Matt and de-friend her? Because I’m a glutton for punishment leave me alone.

And, it brings me great joy that according to new social scientific research, her relationship will end poorly. A recent set of studies found that when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible on social media. Meanwhile, those who were more secure in their relationship tended to keep the lovey dovey pictures and statuses off-line.

According to the study profiled in the New York Post, excessive social media use has also been linked to causing depression, as Instagram addicts are encouraged to constantly compare their lives to others’. Oh so you mean scrolling through the pictures of that unemployed dude who somehow musters up the funds to travel all over the world and face fuck you with his experience can lead to mental health issues.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.