We’ve all been there: The dreaded hangover. That’s not the worst part…it’s a Wednesday and you have to head into work. No pot smoking, Chinese food munching, Netflix marathons for you today, good sir. Mind numbing Excel sheets and bullshit meetings await you all day. Here’s our very important guide for how to make it through a work day with an excruciating hangover…
1. Good Excuses
Email your boss with an extremely lackluster excuse about an “early morning dentist appointment” from a Smart Phone. Make sure this email is ridden with typos, with a signature at the bottom that says “sent from____”. Explain that you will be in at 10 AM, as opposed to 9 today.
Shield your eyes from that awful, bright sun. Why do we need a sun anyway? Doesn’t it know that you were out all night and your eyes had just gotten adjusted to the dark. Sunglasses will also save you from any of your coworkers seeing your lazy, tired eyes and hitting you with one of their original zingers like, “looks like somebody had a rough night.” Leave the glasses on and let your eyes close for a quick cat nap.
3. Breakfast Sandwich/Burrito
Arrive at work with your favorite breakfast burrito or sandwich in hand from your favorite breakfast joint in an attempt to soak up every last bit of alcohol from your system. The greasier, the better.
4. Drink Your Electrolytes
Sure, Gatorade, Powerade and Vitamin Water are supposed to be for active athletic types…but, for the rest of us out there, these drinks are amazing for getting us hydrated. Fast. Make sure to stock up on these on your desk. No one will think you’re the least bit hungover.
5. Headphones are Key
Of course, some of us aren’t lucky enough to work in office areas that allow headphones to be worn. For those poor bros, we say, “that sucks.” Headphones are key in blocking out the bullshit of the day. Thanks to Spotify and Pandora, we have all the music in the world at our disposal. Put on your chillest playlist and try your hardest to not fall asleep at your desk. That’s not a good look, my friends.
6. Pass Your Work Off to Interns
If you have interns, a super hungover day is the best possible one to implement them. Any and all work that you have should be passed off to these poor suckers, the second you realize you have any. Let them work on spreadsheets while you watch videos of Kate Upton on a loop.
7. Frequent Bathroom Breaks
This one is truly key to making it through the day. Take anywhere from 10 to 20 bathroom breaks. Think of the bathroom stall as the 9 to 5ers’ sanctuary: valuable time alone where you can hide away from the cruel working world.
8. Photo Browse
You feel like shit and your life is in shambles, but you know what could easily get your mind off that? Girls. Take some time and look up safe for work pictures of hot girls (or NSFW on your phone). This will relax your mind and remind you of the finer things in life.
9. Duck Out of Work Early
You’ve exhausted all outlets that could make your day go by quickly, but there is still an hour left of work. Now it’s time to take immediate action! Scan the office and know exactly where your boss is. When your boss turns their back or heads to the bathroom, MAKE YOUR MOVE! Slip out of the office unnoticed. You deserve it after five miserable hours of staring at a computer screen.
10. Happy Hour
We all know the best key to beating a hangover…more alcohol. As you leave work, ready to go home for the night, just remember all the possible women and fun times you could be missing out on. So, just say “fuck it” and hit the local Happy Hour with your bros and start the process all again.
[Hangover image via ShutterStock]