I don’t think there are many things/people that are creepier than Ted Cruz. He quite literally makes me feel as uncomfortable as possible anytime he opens his mouth or appears on television. Just seeing him sit still and look at the camera makes me squirm in my seat. If any good has come from his Presidential campaign, it has taught me the importance of not drunkenly catcalling random girls on the street in the middle of the night and making them feel the way that Cruz makes me feel.
Which is why Cruz’s comments about spanking a little boy at his rally in Indiana gave me goosebumps on my goosebumps:
Wow. That sucked. I mean, come on, did Cruz really have to say that? For one, it takes a special kind of weirdo to get deeply offended by a kid telling him he sucks. If my parents got mad every time I told them they sucked when I was a kid they would have put me up for adoption before I started growing peach fuzz under my armpits. But really it’s the imagery of Ted “Could Potentially Be The Zodiac Killer” Cruz putting a child over his knee and spanking him while reprimanding them for talking back to him with his To Catch A Predator rhetoric. That’s the stuff of nightmares. I will never get that image out of my head. That’s going up there with the crucifix scene in The Exorcist and Kevin Ware’s leg injury. I’m being honest, I really can’t believe that the whole “Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” theory hasn’t drawn the Zodiac out of hiding just so he could ask society to stop comparing him to one of the creepiest dudes in recorded history.