This Thing Is The Winner Of The World’s Ugliest Dog Competition And It Will Make You Lose Your Religion

I’d like to begin by saying I don’t know what kind of deranged fuck created the World’s Ugliest Dog competition, but I want to meet that man and shake his hand. These things are living proof that there is no god so now I don’t have to pretend to be a good person.

A blind, 17-year-old Chinese Crested Chihuahua with legs bowed out and an oozing sore is the winner of this year’s 28th Annual World’s Ugliest Dog contest, beating out 15 other mutants at the Sonoma-Marin Fairgrounds in Petaluma, California. The pooch also sports a mohawk that glistens in the sun,  a tongue that sticks our near permanently, and wears diapers.

According to the Chicago Tribune, judges “take into account bad appearance, including stench, poor complexion and a host of other inherited and acquired maladies.”

It looks like this little night terror scored a perfect score on a 1 to Your Mom ugly scale.

The pups owner, 44-year-old Jason Wurtz bought his first wife the dog as a gift, but she had two eyes, thus prompting her to reject the puppy. Jason has since divorced and remarried, but it is unclear whether it’s because he wouldn’t give away that monster.

When the $15,000 award for first place was announced, Wurtz’s younger brother, Jeffrey, burst into tears, began shouting SweePee’s name, and shaking a homemade sign that read “SweePee Rambo for President 2016,” reports the Tribune.

Jason says he will use the money to pay for a tumor removal that recently appeared on SweePee’s gum line, but I suggest he uses that money to put that rat down. I told you I was going to stop pretending to be a nice person.

Better luck next year little guy. Life makes us all uglier.

[h/t Chicago Tribune]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.